Post by redsycorax on Jun 9, 2021 5:22:09 GMT
Yes, simply because Batqueen shares a universe with Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law, Earth-79 can utilise Harvey's ghastly boss Phil K. Sebben as a character. I know, it's contrived and creaky, but for some reason, the character survives all attempts to eradicate it, rather like a cockroach. With Earth-55 now under the control of the Inferior Five and no longer written by me, I've decided to relocate to one of the other surviving Three Funny (sic) Earths. Anyhow, cue President Phil.
++
"Ha ha! Bagqueen!"
Batqueen frowned: "No, it's Batqueen. What can GLEEP do for you, Mr President?"
"Ha ha! Are you familiar with Bereznik, Batqueen? We invaded it in '79. That's how I lost my eye."
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Enemy bullet?"
"No, I just misplaced it. But that's not important right now. Batqueen, we think your old enemy Dr Weirdlove is acting as their scientific advisor."
Abruptly, the background music switched to Sexcrime from the Eurythmics. Sebben threw off his clothes and started to gyrate around clad only in a pouch. Batqueen grimaced:
"Are you all right, Mr President?"
"Ha ha! Are you bi-curious, Batqueen?"
"No, and please, I have a sidekick. I don't want him to see this. Also, it's really distracting, considering what you've just told me about my old enemy, Dr Weirdlove acting as the security advisor for Bereznik. Could we please focus on the narrative progression?" Batqueen resolved to have a really, really strong drink with Harvey Birdman and ask him about Sebben's numerous oddities over lunch offstage.
MOOTARK!
"And please don't do that, either." Batqueen scolded the narrative segue.
BEREZNIK:
The governing philosophy of Bereznik is Bad Communist Parody. They have ridiculous cults of personality around their totally inept leadership, strangely masculine female soldiers and athletes, speak English awfully and with bad accents, and everyone pretends the regime works properly and is far superior to anything elsewhere in the world. In the case of Bereznik, its no-good leader was Dum Il Drumpf.
"Dommy Croney!" For indeed, it was Batqueen's old nematode, Dr Weirdlove, inexplicably outing his civilian identity repeatedly in the course of conversations.
"First People's Tribunal, get in here!"
"Dommy Croney. You. Called. Oh. Stupendous. Orange Light of. The East?"
"Yes, my craven henchperson. I want you to trick the United States into paying us massive amounts of money just so I won't let my corset go."
"Dommy Croney. But. Your. Stupendousness. Flower. Of the. Orient. If. You let. Go. Your. Corset. The Result Will be. Massive devastation of. Several Surrounding Countries."
"And who can stop us? That Groovy League of Earth Planet of theirs? Nyahahahahhaaha! More power to the Juicy Theory of Bad Communist Parody!!!" At which point, an orchestra and a troupe of dancing women doing a Drumpf-themed cancan started up a patriotic theme on a stage concealed behind them, but frankly, we don't have that much time to digress on the fact that it ensued for the next several hours, so we'll cut back to...
WASHINGTON DC:
"Dominic Croney? Who was thrown out of the United States for deliberately squashing a defence counsel due to sitting on him and who has a peculiar speech impediment?"
"Yes, and he's so sycophantic, he gravitated to the Bereznik regime, given that it was also run by a somewhat large and conservative egotist. When Drumpf's coup de merde happened, Croney sat on the entire frontbench of the Bereznik Constitutional Court, lethally compressing them. He's now the First People's Tribunal." Polka Dot Lantern said, courtesy of a cheat sheet from his Power Earring.
"We can't do this alone, Alec. Who else is around at the moment?"
"Funky Superman is lost somewhere around Neptune at present, so we'll have to make do with Mrglftnk, the Zrrrfian Manhunter."
Up popped the Extradimensional Exemplar: "Here. Incidentally, Alec, isn't it time to charge your ring?"
'Yes, good point. And I shall shed my light over bad colour coordination!
For those misshapen aesthetic objects cannot withstand the power of...
The Polka Dot Lantern!!!"
Batqueen looked around: "All right, Guido, where are you?" Abruptly, the GLEEP Teleporter operated.
The Lavendar Tornado glared at him: "What is it? Batdyke and I were having a crossover."
"Don Il Drumpf, the orange hued tyrant of Bereznik, has a sinister plan to topple the free world. And the United States."
"Look, we're supposed to be crimefighters. Can't someone else deal with the obvious political satire in this episode?"
"With Funky Superman off the planet, someone else needs to step up."
"Yes, well, I told you those high heels weren't fit for climbing buildings. But did you listen to me? No..."
"Enough heckling! I'm acting on orders from Phil. K. Sebben, president of these United States."
"Why can no one remember his election?"
"Much like the reason that they gave for Earth-33's 45th US President. Everyone was drunk that night."
BEREZNIK ORANGE HOUSE:
Unfortunately, we cut badly back to Bereznik and will be forced to sit through their heinous national anthem...
Chorister 1:
You'll find no sorrowing hearts or frowning faces
Everyone is pre-orgasmic in Bereznik
Chorister 1:
You'll find a rambling leader and a presidential farce.
Chorister 2:
Everyone is full of lard in Bereznik
Don Il Drumpf:
You'll find torture rooms
And real electric chairs
Bereznik is a civilised country
National pride and national duty
And Bereznik drag queens are
Full of beauty
Chorister 1:
You may call us the people's paradise
We're here to drug your water supply with SSRIs
That B E R E Z N I K gets NIL
Nil out of ten!
If you're looking for a cure to your seizures
You're going to get ECT repeatedly here
Again and again
And again and again
And again!
Don Il Drumpf:
Bereznik, Bereznik, you've full of hyperbole
You can get a bootleg transplant heart here, you're OK
Bereznik, Bereznik, you're full of
aged people not youth
Your leader is cavalier with the truth
You're Bereznik, Bereznik, Peoples Socialist Republic!
This is the Rome of Eastern Europe
The Byzantium of the present day!
Chorister 1:
Our glorious leader is ultra- virtuous
He likes marriage so much he's gotten hitched four times
Citizens , let us hope you will adapt
Enjoy your day, drink from our water supply
And we'll all put Bereznik , Bereznik on the map
Chorister 2
Bereznik, Bereznik, our leader is demented
If you want a bootleg transplanted heart, it's OK
Bereznik, Bereznik, it's quite demented
with aged people, not youth
and our leader's alternative truths.
You're Bereznik, Bereznik, PSR!
Chorister 1:
Bereznik, Bereznik, our population's rapidly falling
You can get a bootleg transplant heart here, it's OK
Bereznik, Bereznik, forget about the dementia
You're the orange hued pride
(Clap) And a baboon's backside
You're (clap) Bereznik, Bereznik, PSR!
[Ed: Yes, I know it's horrific, but apparently they're forced to sing it three times everyday before meals. Watching Don Il Drumpf pirouette around in fishnet stockings, a miniskirt and stilleto heels. It's not pretty and neither is he. And remember, this happened repeatedly during the communist era last century in Stalinist Russia, Maoist China and still does in North Korea. Aren't you happy you live in the democratic west, folks?]
At the Undulating Walrus nightclub, Demmy (Dr Weirdlove) Croney was throwing his weight around, causing seismic disturbances around most of Buggerpest, the picturesque industrial heritage park that was the capital of the Bereznik Peoples Socialist Republic. Batqueen swiftly took out the immensity of the First Peoples Tribunal, leading to a struggle within the industrial strength plastic bag in which the gargantuan legislator was secured. Passing an advertisement for beard care for steroidally loaded female athletes at the Peoples Olympotronic Festival Games, the three GLEEP members effortlessly repelled assailants from the Bereznik Glorious Leader Defence Detachment, then burst open the doors to the lair of Don Il Drumpf itself!
"Time's up, Don Il Drumpf!"
"Fake nooses. Alternative teeth. Covefee beans. How dare you?! I am the Glorious Fishnet-Stockinged High Heeled Leader of the People's Paradise oopfl!"
Abruptly, there was the sound of nothing at all adverse happening: "What? Oh come on, we just deposed their nefarious authoritarian leader! Why don't they immediately rise up in defence of their human rights, democratic freedoms and civil liberties?" Lavendar Tornado exclaimed.
"Um, because Phil Sebben has just launched a fusillade of nuclear weapons at them?" The Zrfffian Manhandler said, pointing in the distance.
"Oh, great. If it isn't one thing, it's another." At that point, an uncertain woosh was evident and an adjacent mountainside exploded:
"It's absurd!"
"It's unplanned!"
"Funky Superman! There's a fusillade of nuclear weapons launched from the idiot current president of the United States toward this country! Stop them!"
"Oh wow, man, heavy!" At which point, the Maaaan of Still streaked the wrong way, then realised his mistake and headed off in the proper direction. In no time at all, the missiles had been flung into lunar orbit and detonated mostly harmlessly. Meanwhile, Batqueen was having a terse conversation with President Sebben:
"What was the idea of nuking Bereznik before we could safely resolve the situation, Mr President?"
"Ha ha! Baglady!"
"That's Batqueen. Well? We're waiting for an explanation. And you'd better be grateful we're not one of those bloody minded morally ambiguous meta teams like the Authority or Justice Lords, buster."
"Ha ha! Sorry, I have an international trade war to help cause. Laters."
President Sebben hung up on Batqueen, who was now extremely irate:
"Is it my imagination, or does Phil Sebben have the emotional stability and intellectual capabilities of a wilted artichoke?"
"Yes, but we're not into overthrowing democratically elected governments at the whim of mass popular opposition and because they're ruled by narcissistic incompetents." Lavendar Tornado reminded him.
"All right, yes. I don't suppose the fact that no-one can remember electing him is suspicious?" Batqueen replied.
"Oh, come on. This isn't a world like Earth-55 where everyone's paranoid suspicions are somehow valid observations of reality. We're a serious alternate Earth with serious issues."
From the GLEEP satellite, the sound of the World Observation Monitor chimed:
"What is it, WOMON?"
"An emergency alert. The entire population of Arkansas has gone beserk and they're repeatedly braining hamsters with a surprisingly numerous range of lead pipes. Governor Arnuld Schwarztenposeur has called for assistance."
As the GLEEP teleport dematerialised the superheroes from the blase and uninterested inhabitants of Bereznik, with the struggling forms of Don Il Drumpf and Dommy Croney soon to be deposited in the Ghostie Zone, Batqueen's derelict cellphone sounded:
"Ha ha! Bagpuss! Damn. I was going to admit that I was a prawn from an extraterrestrial government. Ah well. Back to the wild erotic dancing display..."
THE END
++
"Ha ha! Bagqueen!"
Batqueen frowned: "No, it's Batqueen. What can GLEEP do for you, Mr President?"
"Ha ha! Are you familiar with Bereznik, Batqueen? We invaded it in '79. That's how I lost my eye."
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Enemy bullet?"
"No, I just misplaced it. But that's not important right now. Batqueen, we think your old enemy Dr Weirdlove is acting as their scientific advisor."
Abruptly, the background music switched to Sexcrime from the Eurythmics. Sebben threw off his clothes and started to gyrate around clad only in a pouch. Batqueen grimaced:
"Are you all right, Mr President?"
"Ha ha! Are you bi-curious, Batqueen?"
"No, and please, I have a sidekick. I don't want him to see this. Also, it's really distracting, considering what you've just told me about my old enemy, Dr Weirdlove acting as the security advisor for Bereznik. Could we please focus on the narrative progression?" Batqueen resolved to have a really, really strong drink with Harvey Birdman and ask him about Sebben's numerous oddities over lunch offstage.
MOOTARK!
"And please don't do that, either." Batqueen scolded the narrative segue.
BEREZNIK:
The governing philosophy of Bereznik is Bad Communist Parody. They have ridiculous cults of personality around their totally inept leadership, strangely masculine female soldiers and athletes, speak English awfully and with bad accents, and everyone pretends the regime works properly and is far superior to anything elsewhere in the world. In the case of Bereznik, its no-good leader was Dum Il Drumpf.
"Dommy Croney!" For indeed, it was Batqueen's old nematode, Dr Weirdlove, inexplicably outing his civilian identity repeatedly in the course of conversations.
"First People's Tribunal, get in here!"
"Dommy Croney. You. Called. Oh. Stupendous. Orange Light of. The East?"
"Yes, my craven henchperson. I want you to trick the United States into paying us massive amounts of money just so I won't let my corset go."
"Dommy Croney. But. Your. Stupendousness. Flower. Of the. Orient. If. You let. Go. Your. Corset. The Result Will be. Massive devastation of. Several Surrounding Countries."
"And who can stop us? That Groovy League of Earth Planet of theirs? Nyahahahahhaaha! More power to the Juicy Theory of Bad Communist Parody!!!" At which point, an orchestra and a troupe of dancing women doing a Drumpf-themed cancan started up a patriotic theme on a stage concealed behind them, but frankly, we don't have that much time to digress on the fact that it ensued for the next several hours, so we'll cut back to...
WASHINGTON DC:
"Dominic Croney? Who was thrown out of the United States for deliberately squashing a defence counsel due to sitting on him and who has a peculiar speech impediment?"
"Yes, and he's so sycophantic, he gravitated to the Bereznik regime, given that it was also run by a somewhat large and conservative egotist. When Drumpf's coup de merde happened, Croney sat on the entire frontbench of the Bereznik Constitutional Court, lethally compressing them. He's now the First People's Tribunal." Polka Dot Lantern said, courtesy of a cheat sheet from his Power Earring.
"We can't do this alone, Alec. Who else is around at the moment?"
"Funky Superman is lost somewhere around Neptune at present, so we'll have to make do with Mrglftnk, the Zrrrfian Manhunter."
Up popped the Extradimensional Exemplar: "Here. Incidentally, Alec, isn't it time to charge your ring?"
'Yes, good point. And I shall shed my light over bad colour coordination!
For those misshapen aesthetic objects cannot withstand the power of...
The Polka Dot Lantern!!!"
Batqueen looked around: "All right, Guido, where are you?" Abruptly, the GLEEP Teleporter operated.
The Lavendar Tornado glared at him: "What is it? Batdyke and I were having a crossover."
"Don Il Drumpf, the orange hued tyrant of Bereznik, has a sinister plan to topple the free world. And the United States."
"Look, we're supposed to be crimefighters. Can't someone else deal with the obvious political satire in this episode?"
"With Funky Superman off the planet, someone else needs to step up."
"Yes, well, I told you those high heels weren't fit for climbing buildings. But did you listen to me? No..."
"Enough heckling! I'm acting on orders from Phil. K. Sebben, president of these United States."
"Why can no one remember his election?"
"Much like the reason that they gave for Earth-33's 45th US President. Everyone was drunk that night."
BEREZNIK ORANGE HOUSE:
Unfortunately, we cut badly back to Bereznik and will be forced to sit through their heinous national anthem...
Chorister 1:
You'll find no sorrowing hearts or frowning faces
Everyone is pre-orgasmic in Bereznik
Chorister 1:
You'll find a rambling leader and a presidential farce.
Chorister 2:
Everyone is full of lard in Bereznik
Don Il Drumpf:
You'll find torture rooms
And real electric chairs
Bereznik is a civilised country
National pride and national duty
And Bereznik drag queens are
Full of beauty
Chorister 1:
You may call us the people's paradise
We're here to drug your water supply with SSRIs
That B E R E Z N I K gets NIL
Nil out of ten!
If you're looking for a cure to your seizures
You're going to get ECT repeatedly here
Again and again
And again and again
And again!
Don Il Drumpf:
Bereznik, Bereznik, you've full of hyperbole
You can get a bootleg transplant heart here, you're OK
Bereznik, Bereznik, you're full of
aged people not youth
Your leader is cavalier with the truth
You're Bereznik, Bereznik, Peoples Socialist Republic!
This is the Rome of Eastern Europe
The Byzantium of the present day!
Chorister 1:
Our glorious leader is ultra- virtuous
He likes marriage so much he's gotten hitched four times
Citizens , let us hope you will adapt
Enjoy your day, drink from our water supply
And we'll all put Bereznik , Bereznik on the map
Chorister 2
Bereznik, Bereznik, our leader is demented
If you want a bootleg transplanted heart, it's OK
Bereznik, Bereznik, it's quite demented
with aged people, not youth
and our leader's alternative truths.
You're Bereznik, Bereznik, PSR!
Chorister 1:
Bereznik, Bereznik, our population's rapidly falling
You can get a bootleg transplant heart here, it's OK
Bereznik, Bereznik, forget about the dementia
You're the orange hued pride
(Clap) And a baboon's backside
You're (clap) Bereznik, Bereznik, PSR!
[Ed: Yes, I know it's horrific, but apparently they're forced to sing it three times everyday before meals. Watching Don Il Drumpf pirouette around in fishnet stockings, a miniskirt and stilleto heels. It's not pretty and neither is he. And remember, this happened repeatedly during the communist era last century in Stalinist Russia, Maoist China and still does in North Korea. Aren't you happy you live in the democratic west, folks?]
At the Undulating Walrus nightclub, Demmy (Dr Weirdlove) Croney was throwing his weight around, causing seismic disturbances around most of Buggerpest, the picturesque industrial heritage park that was the capital of the Bereznik Peoples Socialist Republic. Batqueen swiftly took out the immensity of the First Peoples Tribunal, leading to a struggle within the industrial strength plastic bag in which the gargantuan legislator was secured. Passing an advertisement for beard care for steroidally loaded female athletes at the Peoples Olympotronic Festival Games, the three GLEEP members effortlessly repelled assailants from the Bereznik Glorious Leader Defence Detachment, then burst open the doors to the lair of Don Il Drumpf itself!
"Time's up, Don Il Drumpf!"
"Fake nooses. Alternative teeth. Covefee beans. How dare you?! I am the Glorious Fishnet-Stockinged High Heeled Leader of the People's Paradise oopfl!"
Abruptly, there was the sound of nothing at all adverse happening: "What? Oh come on, we just deposed their nefarious authoritarian leader! Why don't they immediately rise up in defence of their human rights, democratic freedoms and civil liberties?" Lavendar Tornado exclaimed.
"Um, because Phil Sebben has just launched a fusillade of nuclear weapons at them?" The Zrfffian Manhandler said, pointing in the distance.
"Oh, great. If it isn't one thing, it's another." At that point, an uncertain woosh was evident and an adjacent mountainside exploded:
"It's absurd!"
"It's unplanned!"
"Funky Superman! There's a fusillade of nuclear weapons launched from the idiot current president of the United States toward this country! Stop them!"
"Oh wow, man, heavy!" At which point, the Maaaan of Still streaked the wrong way, then realised his mistake and headed off in the proper direction. In no time at all, the missiles had been flung into lunar orbit and detonated mostly harmlessly. Meanwhile, Batqueen was having a terse conversation with President Sebben:
"What was the idea of nuking Bereznik before we could safely resolve the situation, Mr President?"
"Ha ha! Baglady!"
"That's Batqueen. Well? We're waiting for an explanation. And you'd better be grateful we're not one of those bloody minded morally ambiguous meta teams like the Authority or Justice Lords, buster."
"Ha ha! Sorry, I have an international trade war to help cause. Laters."
President Sebben hung up on Batqueen, who was now extremely irate:
"Is it my imagination, or does Phil Sebben have the emotional stability and intellectual capabilities of a wilted artichoke?"
"Yes, but we're not into overthrowing democratically elected governments at the whim of mass popular opposition and because they're ruled by narcissistic incompetents." Lavendar Tornado reminded him.
"All right, yes. I don't suppose the fact that no-one can remember electing him is suspicious?" Batqueen replied.
"Oh, come on. This isn't a world like Earth-55 where everyone's paranoid suspicions are somehow valid observations of reality. We're a serious alternate Earth with serious issues."
From the GLEEP satellite, the sound of the World Observation Monitor chimed:
"What is it, WOMON?"
"An emergency alert. The entire population of Arkansas has gone beserk and they're repeatedly braining hamsters with a surprisingly numerous range of lead pipes. Governor Arnuld Schwarztenposeur has called for assistance."
As the GLEEP teleport dematerialised the superheroes from the blase and uninterested inhabitants of Bereznik, with the struggling forms of Don Il Drumpf and Dommy Croney soon to be deposited in the Ghostie Zone, Batqueen's derelict cellphone sounded:
"Ha ha! Bagpuss! Damn. I was going to admit that I was a prawn from an extraterrestrial government. Ah well. Back to the wild erotic dancing display..."
THE END