Post by redsycorax on Jul 2, 2021 5:20:19 GMT
"Haha! Welcome to Earth-Sebben, an alternate universe populated wholly by me, Phil Ken Sebben, 46.5th President of the United States! It used to be Earth-79, until I mass-produced clones of myself and got them to vote me into power as President of the United States. I'm married to my female clone Agatha Ken Sebben and once I was in power, I stacked the Supreme Court with nine other Phil Ken Sebbens and then my Constipation Party exploited the mid-term election uncertainty! Haha! I have abolished the Constitution and replaced it with the Phil Ken Sebben Code! Haha!"
CODE OF EARTH-SEBBEN:
"Haha! I promise to do the opposite of anything logical, evidence-based and even remotely desirable! Haha! I love pandemonium! I love corruption! I love absolute power! I love myself! It is a capital offence to produce anything logical, evidence-based or remotely desirable on Earth-Sebben! Haha!"
-Phil Ken Sebben Code, Promulgated Sebbensday, Sebbensmonth 1, Anno Sebbeni 1.
QUEENCAVE:
"We've got to do something, Batqueen! The President's run amok and his clones and memes are overrunning the whole world!" Lavender Tornado (aka Guido Drayton) exclaimed.
"Yes, Guido, and it's not even remotely original. That whole "Phil Ken Sebben Code" is nothing more than a properly grammatical adaptation of Earth-29's Htrae Bizarro Code. Unfortunately, Professor Potted's perfect duplicator ray machine has been stolen and the President is using it to stuff the courts, ballot boxes and even democracy itself! And I thought the Thatcher was bad. Never mind, I'll get in touch with the Groovy League of Earth Planet and get them to overthrow this madman...come in, Funky Superman and the Zrfffian Manhunter."
From the other end of the line came a chilling response: "Haha! Funky Sebbenman here! Haha!"
"S'amm S'mmith? Zrrrfian Manhunter, come in?!"
Thankfully, the five-dimensional crimefighter abruptly popped into the Queencave:
"I heard. It sounds like Sebben assimilated a chunk of scarlet funky kryptonium and used it to Sebbenise Funky Superman."
"This is so unnatural, S'amm! Yes, I know that's highly ironic, but humanity began with Adam and Eve, Adam and Steve, or Adele and Eve, and not homo philkensebbenii."
"I wish my magical Zrfffian abilities could reverse this hijacking of our world, but it looks like a microscopic sebbenococcus virus is also involved. Use your Bat-Microscope and witness what I can see down amongst the microns..."
Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha!!!
"Um, guys? You'd better have a look at the night sky..."
"What, the Sebben Signal? Oh no. No. Not the Moon too!"
"Yes, and what's even worse, it's now named Sebbene."
"We've got to do something, otherwise it'll take us over too and our world will find it repeatedly Sebbenised!"
"Haha! Ulp..."
"Oh, S'amm, not you too!" Batqueen gasped.
"We need to escape from our Earth, or Sebbeny will prevail." Taking one last look at the Queencave, Batqueen and Lavender Tornado leapt into an interdimensional portal as their giant penny's face assumed the dread profile of the absolute ruler of Earth-Sebben. Fortunately, they vanished in time, but S'amm S'mmith shrieked as the sebbenococcus virus hopscotched species and rapidly took over his quailling body. His face dissolved and he collapsed onto the floor. Two moustache shaped lines traversed him and he blinked awake. S'amm S'mmith no more, the Zrfffian Manhunter was now... S'phil S'Ebben!!!
"☟︎♋︎♒︎♋︎✏︎!!!" [Editorial Note: Old High Zrfffian for "Haha!"]
"Haha! Arise, my Sebben-shaped servitor! Now, what do you say?"
"Sebbeny will prevail!" Insane chortling broke out across Earth-Sebben (formerly known as Earth-79) and no-one or anything could do anything to stop him. Earth-79 belonged to Phil Ken Sebben!!!
[Ominous drum roll. Electronic reverberation: "Haha Haha Ha! Haha Haha Ha! Haha! Haha! Haha Haha Ha Ha!"]
THE END?
APPENDIX:
And God made Adam and Eve but suddenly, lo, he looked down and saw Phil and Agatha Ken Sebben nekkid and doing the deed, which was definitely not as he had intended. And God said, where did you come from? I created Adam and Eve for the heterosexuals, Eva and Yvette for the lesbians and Aaron and Yves for the gays, and I don't recall any eyepatches and pencil moustaches there. In fact, I expressly banned them. And Phil I said: "Haha! Swing with it, God baby!"
And God was horrified and didst boot both Phil I and Agatha I out of the Garden of Eden and tried to get rid of them through excessive use of lightning bolts, earthquakes and tidal waves, but unfortunately, lo, Phil and Agatha I survived and the horrid creed of Sebbenry persisted, because the little buggers bred like roaches.
And thus it was that God looked down on the town of Sebben and saw them cavorting around wearing not very much, sporting misconceived eyepatches, managing things awfully and forever going Haha! And God's wroth was kindled and he was nauseated to see the Sebbens getting it on with one another, whether same-sex Sebbeny or heterosebbenality. And he said to Abrum, look, I'm going to send angels in there and retrieve Loot if that's okay with you. And Abrum conceded, saying, you're absolutely right, God, it's a nightmare down there. Please, do it quickly. And God sent two angels down, who arrived quickly at Loot's place, for Loot and his family had not engaged in Sebbeny, despite being in a whole hillock heaving with the abomination. And the angels said, look, Loot, God is going to nuke this place for the awfulness that is here. And Loot said, we're already packed. But meanwhile, a horde of Sebbens had turned up at Loot's home, male and female, hideous as that may sound, and also large and small, all with the eyepatch and moustache. And they didst all say: Haha! Bring us the strangers out that we may Sebbenise them! And the angels said, do not worry, Loot, we'll distract them while you make a quick escape. And so Loot and his family did abscond. But sadly, the horde of Sebbens infested the angels with their foul meme and lo, God was horrified when the angels materialised and they were sporting eyepatches and pencil moustaches and making the Haha! And suddenly God gasped, as a celestial eyepatch and pencil moustache blossomed and God himself was Sebbenised!!!
And God said: "Haha! Lo, let Sebbeny prevail and let the Earth be overrun with our kind!" And Abrum turned to Sara his wife and said, I like this not, and frankly there goes the archaeological neighbourhood.
Book of Phil O Genesis: 1: 14-15, 11: 1-5
SNEAK PREVIEW:
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe and from this side only. The flounce of a half caped crusader and half amazing Amazon. Clones twirling in mauve twilight in places where my merchandise outlets should be. Doilies on pillars. All those moments lost in time like eggs from a gigantic ants ovipositor...Time to die-"
CODE OF EARTH-SEBBEN:
"Haha! I promise to do the opposite of anything logical, evidence-based and even remotely desirable! Haha! I love pandemonium! I love corruption! I love absolute power! I love myself! It is a capital offence to produce anything logical, evidence-based or remotely desirable on Earth-Sebben! Haha!"
-Phil Ken Sebben Code, Promulgated Sebbensday, Sebbensmonth 1, Anno Sebbeni 1.
QUEENCAVE:
"We've got to do something, Batqueen! The President's run amok and his clones and memes are overrunning the whole world!" Lavender Tornado (aka Guido Drayton) exclaimed.
"Yes, Guido, and it's not even remotely original. That whole "Phil Ken Sebben Code" is nothing more than a properly grammatical adaptation of Earth-29's Htrae Bizarro Code. Unfortunately, Professor Potted's perfect duplicator ray machine has been stolen and the President is using it to stuff the courts, ballot boxes and even democracy itself! And I thought the Thatcher was bad. Never mind, I'll get in touch with the Groovy League of Earth Planet and get them to overthrow this madman...come in, Funky Superman and the Zrfffian Manhunter."
From the other end of the line came a chilling response: "Haha! Funky Sebbenman here! Haha!"
"S'amm S'mmith? Zrrrfian Manhunter, come in?!"
Thankfully, the five-dimensional crimefighter abruptly popped into the Queencave:
"I heard. It sounds like Sebben assimilated a chunk of scarlet funky kryptonium and used it to Sebbenise Funky Superman."
"This is so unnatural, S'amm! Yes, I know that's highly ironic, but humanity began with Adam and Eve, Adam and Steve, or Adele and Eve, and not homo philkensebbenii."
"I wish my magical Zrfffian abilities could reverse this hijacking of our world, but it looks like a microscopic sebbenococcus virus is also involved. Use your Bat-Microscope and witness what I can see down amongst the microns..."
Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha!!!
"Um, guys? You'd better have a look at the night sky..."
"What, the Sebben Signal? Oh no. No. Not the Moon too!"
"Yes, and what's even worse, it's now named Sebbene."
"We've got to do something, otherwise it'll take us over too and our world will find it repeatedly Sebbenised!"
"Haha! Ulp..."
"Oh, S'amm, not you too!" Batqueen gasped.
"We need to escape from our Earth, or Sebbeny will prevail." Taking one last look at the Queencave, Batqueen and Lavender Tornado leapt into an interdimensional portal as their giant penny's face assumed the dread profile of the absolute ruler of Earth-Sebben. Fortunately, they vanished in time, but S'amm S'mmith shrieked as the sebbenococcus virus hopscotched species and rapidly took over his quailling body. His face dissolved and he collapsed onto the floor. Two moustache shaped lines traversed him and he blinked awake. S'amm S'mmith no more, the Zrfffian Manhunter was now... S'phil S'Ebben!!!
"☟︎♋︎♒︎♋︎✏︎!!!" [Editorial Note: Old High Zrfffian for "Haha!"]
"Haha! Arise, my Sebben-shaped servitor! Now, what do you say?"
"Sebbeny will prevail!" Insane chortling broke out across Earth-Sebben (formerly known as Earth-79) and no-one or anything could do anything to stop him. Earth-79 belonged to Phil Ken Sebben!!!
[Ominous drum roll. Electronic reverberation: "Haha Haha Ha! Haha Haha Ha! Haha! Haha! Haha Haha Ha Ha!"]
THE END?
APPENDIX:
And God made Adam and Eve but suddenly, lo, he looked down and saw Phil and Agatha Ken Sebben nekkid and doing the deed, which was definitely not as he had intended. And God said, where did you come from? I created Adam and Eve for the heterosexuals, Eva and Yvette for the lesbians and Aaron and Yves for the gays, and I don't recall any eyepatches and pencil moustaches there. In fact, I expressly banned them. And Phil I said: "Haha! Swing with it, God baby!"
And God was horrified and didst boot both Phil I and Agatha I out of the Garden of Eden and tried to get rid of them through excessive use of lightning bolts, earthquakes and tidal waves, but unfortunately, lo, Phil and Agatha I survived and the horrid creed of Sebbenry persisted, because the little buggers bred like roaches.
And thus it was that God looked down on the town of Sebben and saw them cavorting around wearing not very much, sporting misconceived eyepatches, managing things awfully and forever going Haha! And God's wroth was kindled and he was nauseated to see the Sebbens getting it on with one another, whether same-sex Sebbeny or heterosebbenality. And he said to Abrum, look, I'm going to send angels in there and retrieve Loot if that's okay with you. And Abrum conceded, saying, you're absolutely right, God, it's a nightmare down there. Please, do it quickly. And God sent two angels down, who arrived quickly at Loot's place, for Loot and his family had not engaged in Sebbeny, despite being in a whole hillock heaving with the abomination. And the angels said, look, Loot, God is going to nuke this place for the awfulness that is here. And Loot said, we're already packed. But meanwhile, a horde of Sebbens had turned up at Loot's home, male and female, hideous as that may sound, and also large and small, all with the eyepatch and moustache. And they didst all say: Haha! Bring us the strangers out that we may Sebbenise them! And the angels said, do not worry, Loot, we'll distract them while you make a quick escape. And so Loot and his family did abscond. But sadly, the horde of Sebbens infested the angels with their foul meme and lo, God was horrified when the angels materialised and they were sporting eyepatches and pencil moustaches and making the Haha! And suddenly God gasped, as a celestial eyepatch and pencil moustache blossomed and God himself was Sebbenised!!!
And God said: "Haha! Lo, let Sebbeny prevail and let the Earth be overrun with our kind!" And Abrum turned to Sara his wife and said, I like this not, and frankly there goes the archaeological neighbourhood.
Book of Phil O Genesis: 1: 14-15, 11: 1-5
SNEAK PREVIEW:
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe and from this side only. The flounce of a half caped crusader and half amazing Amazon. Clones twirling in mauve twilight in places where my merchandise outlets should be. Doilies on pillars. All those moments lost in time like eggs from a gigantic ants ovipositor...Time to die-"