Post by redsycorax on Mar 8, 2022 21:52:04 GMT
Yes, return with us now to the Pyrite Age of Earth-12/55- pyrite, because they couldn't afford real gold due to shortages during Global War B. What fiendish plot does Adenoid Hynkel, the deranged Double Cross dictator have in store for our Freedom Force heroes? And aren't you sorry you rhetorically asked? All right, let's get on with it...
++
BURLINSQUE, SLOBOVIA:
In the Double Cross capital, Adenoid Hynkel and his statuesque second in command Bette Buchseite were busily putting the finishing touches on their latest nefarious plot to undermine Allied morale and the war effort: "Ach der limburger, Bette! Ve hass an infallible cunning plan this time."
"Indeed, my Furore. And with the connivance of discombobulated Americanski rogue film makers, addicted to those Hostess Twinkie tm cakes, we will flood their film markets with barely comprehensible low-grade cinematic efforts and undermine their morale, causing a catastrophic loss of support for continuing their war against our glorious Double Cross. To zer Gurnhouse Plot!"
"Ach, yes, to Der Gurnhouse!"
NEW YORK:
And meanwhile, in New York, surreptitious supplies of small oversugared high-cholesterol cakes were being slipped into the United States through D-Boat submarine smuggling efforts. Given wartime rationing in the United States, the ubiquitous 'cakes of wrath' circulated on the black market, particularly amongst desperate film makers. As the innocuous but addictive foodstuff permeated their bodies, their taste and cinematic artistry fell to abysmal levels, as the dastardly Dictator had plotted in far off Burlinesque.
And, because the war effort required total mobilisation, certain traditional taboos had been relaxed for the time being. Desperate and unscrupulous film makers fell under the influence of Double Cross bribery and began to churn out badly dubbed, poorly edited exploitation films- and the seventies were still thirty years or so in the future!!! One of the beneficiaries of this cunning plan was the US bald community. As previously established, Earth-12/55 has some quite weird social norms, and one of them is disdain and revulsion at male pattern baldness. In fact, it is illegal to either be bald or exhibit one's bald head in their United States. Reactions of shock, expressions of horror and name-calling inexorably follow on. However, as a consequence of the addictive Twinkie tm influx into the United States, Gurnhouse cinemas and gimcrack, ephemeral studios started to churn out bargain basement productions like Slappim and Begorrah: Cities of the Exceedingly Plain, Naked Noggin, Hairless Out and Stunned, Julius Caesar Was Bald, Bald Sensual Vladimir Lenin the Naughty Communist, the Wanton Lusts of Martin Van Buren aka Bald President of Sin, Bald and Abandoned to Lust, Behind the Toupee Curtain, Yul Brynner Goes Baldist, Dairy of A Baldist, Baldilocks and the Three Balds, Alopecia (Valley of the Bald), House on Bald Mountain, The Bald Uranus, Bald on Uranus, Bald in Bald Hills, The Princess and the Baldie Man, Baldenstein, This Bald World and My Bald Laddy. And across the length and breadth of the United States, innocent and clueless teenagers were introduced to the sordid, murky and hair-deprived bald lifestyle, seduced into ending the lives of their guiltless hairshafts out the belief that Bald was somehow 'sexy' and 'transgressive', instead of gauche and unattractive.
Anyway, predictably, the Freedom Force got involved, presumably because this is a parody of those times that All Star Comics got into social messages for the public good about 'juvenile delinquency'
and other earnest, serious subjects.
A NEW YORK THEATRE:
Thus it was that Hatman and Madam Fatal inadvertantly encountered the heinous Gurnhouse film The Wanton Lusts of Martin Van Buren or Bald President of Sin- which, for some inconceivable reason, had been atrociously dubbed into Spanish and was now known as Las lujurias desenfrenadas de Martin Van Buren or Presidente calvo del pecado. They first became aware that something was badly amiss when Martin Van Buren removed his toupee, to the sound of salacious organ music, and gasps of horror and revulsion at the unhairing of the President. And then, although Martin Van Buren's wife Hannah had passed away and she was supposed to be several thousand miles away across the Atlantic in London and had not yet begun her courtesan career, in swept Lola Montez, the international temptress:
"Presidente anciano calvo, ¿eres capaz de pasar un buen rato?/ Oh sexy bald president, may I caress your hot nubile manly bald head?"
"¡Jovencita, ni siquiera tienes mala reputación todavía!/ Beautiful young temptress, come into the arms of a Real Man!!!"
"no eres gay verdad? No, espera, ese es James Buchanan y no será presidente hasta dentro de veinte años./ I burn with passion for your erotic bald head, you delicious paragon of masculinity! And who is this James Buchanan anyway?"
"Mira, Lola, lo siento, pero no me excitas./ Ah, Lola, join me in the boudoir!"
By now, people were screaming and stampeding from the theatre in horror, terrified by the deliberate display of full frontal baldness on screen, although the Latino members of the audience were also nauseated at the utterly vile, addled and totally mangled, inaccurate translation from Spanish into English: "Help! Help! Oh, won't someone think of the children! They're too young to witness shameful nude naked noggins parading around in the altogether on screen like this!"
"¡Me siento violentamente enfermo! ¿Quién fue el responsable de esa atrocidad contra la lengua española y el buen gusto?/ I feel violently ill! Who was responsible for that atrocity against the Spanish language and good taste?"
Meanwhile, Hatman had ducked into a convenient broom closet to assume his heroic identity and Madam Fatal was already in hers, anyway. People found the sprightly octogenerian far more vivacious than her secret identity, Richard Cranston, a rather boring real estate agent in his thirties, so go figure. The duo made their way into the projector room and burst open the door, only to find the projectionist supine on the ground and unconsciousness. Hatman gasped:
"He's been kayoed!"
"And this obviously isn't the Life and Times of Our Eighth President. Someone has substituted this dreadful paean to shameless hair hatred and wild exaggeration about the libido of bald men to shock and horrify unsuspecting audiences."
"I think we'd better reconvene at Freedom Force HQ. This requires the intervention of our whole august assemblage, Madam."
FREEDOM FORCE HQ:
"It was absolutely awful, and I'm not talking about the atrociously butchered English/Spanish translation, or the surreal, unhistorical juxtapositioning of Martin Van Buren and Lola Montez, even though they were historical contemporaries. Someone went to a great deal of trouble to substitute that hair hating propaganda film and sap the morale from our national war effort against the Double Cross." Hatman exclaimed.
"Hmmm. Yes, I wish I could tell you that your terrible aesthetic experience was only the result of a botched distribution deal and wrong delivery, but I'm afraid that Freedom Force has learnt of several other incidents in which unsuspecting audiences were exposed to wanton scenes of rampant baldness, inept characterisation, creative (ahem) mistranslation and kindergarten film editing standards. For example, Casablanca was removed from this hapless theatre's projection facilities and replaced with the foetid abomination known as Slappim and Begorrah: Or Cities of the Exceedingly Plain, in which ancient Baldists assassinate God before he can incinerate them and go on living their appalling nude naked nogginry lifestyle. Which is hardly biblical, even in some of the more obviously psilocybin-induced apocryphal gnostic scriptures." Granny Gumshoe mused.
"Why can't other follicularly sparse people be like Mahatma Gandhi and General Eisenhower? At least they're modest enough to cover up their unhaired heads with military caps and hats." Hatman asked, not coincidentally.
"We need to get to the bottom of this. Yes, Mighty Boy?"
The future Mr Might's boyhood incarnation cleared his throat: "I think there may be a connection between the increasing Gurnhouse threat and my old arch enemy, Lex Object. Remember, he always blamed me for going bald after accidentally creating a hair defoliant chemical that went wrong and balded him. I think he may be collaborating with the Double Cross."
BURLINSQUE:
And predictably, that was certainly the case. Lex Object chortled maleficently as he leant back in his producers chair and churned forth yet another "nutty-baldie" film, as the distinctive Gurnhouse subgenre was called. This latest cinematic disgrace was entitled World Without Hair and focused on Elmer, who discovered that he liked shaving off all his hair and listening to the terrified microscopic screams of the innocent little hairshafts as they were massacred in their hundreds. An impressionable teenager, Elmer has fallen under the interest of the cadaverous and ridiculously elderly William S. Burrows who is also bald. Encouraging his youthful charge to defy good taste and social convention, Burrows lures Elmer to a Bald bar, where men and even baldonic women dance around shamelessly flashing their nude naked noggins explicitly for everyone to see. Lex laughed maniacally as the completed product was loaded into a Double Cross submersible D-Boat, destined to subvert the valour, courage and grit of American soldiers and stalwart souls on the home front!
NEW YORK:
As the Gurnhouse 'nutty baldie' phenomenon spread like a growing stain, no movie house was safe. Even an innocuous Budd Bunny animated children' film might be suddenly subject to Elmer Dudd whipping off his hunting hat, shamelessly displaying his naked head and fiendishly laughing, extolling his shocked and disgusted audience that his obsession with hunting a certain grey wise-cracking rabbit was caused by his anti-hair deviant lifestyle and his enjoyment of sadism and torture fomented by the ritual morning massacres of suffering, screaming innocent hairshafts!
Fortunately, Freedom Force were on the case, as Fatman and Startleman patrolled the skies above the thrusting metropolis. Startleman gasped: "Look! It's one of them 'nutty baldie' films in flagrant and shameless production, in broad daylight!"
In his flying saucer persona, Fatman wobbled in agreement and the two crime fighters swooped down, intent on disrupting the sordid spectacle below them. Even if the motivation was concealed beneath a facade of historical propriety, the intent was plain for all to see, given the film's abhorrent title: Julius Caesar Was Bald! Which indeed, he had been, but this travesty of ancient Roman political detail had Caesar deriving his name from the words "Cease Hair", perverting Queen Cleopatra by arousing balderastoholophiliac desires within her and not being assassinated in 44 BC for being a wanton shameless bald exhibitionist (as had actually been the case on Earth-55), but instead due to realistic political concerns about his political ambitions and monopoly of power.
Lex Object looked up: "Curse you, Freedom Force! Surely I'm more of a menace than that!"
Startleman sternly replied: "No, sorry, Lex, you're a juvenile delinquent with advanced scientific skills at this stage, nothing more. Let's clobber him, Fatman!"
At that point, Hatman also showed up and produced a bowler from his hat-ility belt, jamming it over the bald villain's head. The police arrived in short order to arrest the illicit and depraved "nutty-baldie" performers and cart them off to jail for anti-hair deviancy. But even Freedom Force were finding their limited heroic and crimefighting resources challenged by the proliferating threats to hairy public decency and good taste!
It was then that Dr Fey noticed something- why, it was a discarded plastic cake wrapper! As he bent over to pick it up, his perplexity increased. He showed it to his Freedom Force colleagues: "Any idea what this is? I'm getting some distinctly peculiar vibrations from it."
Dr Goodnite nodded: "That's not all. My blindsight lenses are showing some bizarre pulsating radiation traces."
Princess Power frowned: "Why, it's a Hostess Twinkies tm wrapper. Wait a minute. They've been showing up adjacent to the scenes of these Gurnhouse 'nutty-baldie' films. Granny?"
Granny Gumshoe subjected the wrapper to intensive spectroscopic analysis and gasped: "Why, these Hostess Twinkies tm are a highly addictive substance! I remember Lippy Lu, my heavily-built grand daughter, going beserk when she first sampled one, when it first appeared in 1930. From what my spectroscopic analysis shows , Hostess Twinkies tm pies are a malignant substance that has spread across the country. One would wager that it has been responsible for normal, law abiding hairy people turning into depraved, antisocial baldists in order to fulfil their addiction to these deceptively innocuous cupcakes. As Deborah here has so sagely remarked, these Chocodile twinkies, Ding Dongs, Hohos, Snoballs, Suzie Qs, zingers and Twinkies are warping and twisting susceptible American minds. If they are not stopped, eventually, vast numbers of Twinkies will overwhelm our national social structures and defenses, suppressing all social activities other than rampant consumption of the cakes of wrath here. There must be a Double Cross conspiracy to flood the United States with them during Global War B.
We must tell the President about this!"
And so they did. With the assistance of Congress, Franklin Delano Roosevelt promptly declared them illegal in early 1942.
"There's something else. There is an eldritch enchantment flowing around these vile confections. Hostess Twinkies tm seem to also be cunning parasitic forms of predatory foodstuff, which can travel across an infinite variety of parallel universes. Nor does the geographic location that I have detected match anywhere on our Earth. It seems to have originated on an alternate world known as Earth-766, but I cannot receive any interdimensional broadcasts from that setting. Rampant Twinkie tm addiction resulted in a state of oversugared obliviousness to the prospect of a giant asteroid impact. Worse still, it can even affect high grade metahumans like young Mighty Boy here. I shall banish it from our universe! It shall never return!" Dr Fey waved his hands and the killer cakes vanished into oblivion.
And with that, the Gurnhouse craze subsided and Baldists slunk back into the shadows, their moment of shameless hairless exhibitionism over until the 2020s.
THE END
++
BURLINSQUE, SLOBOVIA:
In the Double Cross capital, Adenoid Hynkel and his statuesque second in command Bette Buchseite were busily putting the finishing touches on their latest nefarious plot to undermine Allied morale and the war effort: "Ach der limburger, Bette! Ve hass an infallible cunning plan this time."
"Indeed, my Furore. And with the connivance of discombobulated Americanski rogue film makers, addicted to those Hostess Twinkie tm cakes, we will flood their film markets with barely comprehensible low-grade cinematic efforts and undermine their morale, causing a catastrophic loss of support for continuing their war against our glorious Double Cross. To zer Gurnhouse Plot!"
"Ach, yes, to Der Gurnhouse!"
NEW YORK:
And meanwhile, in New York, surreptitious supplies of small oversugared high-cholesterol cakes were being slipped into the United States through D-Boat submarine smuggling efforts. Given wartime rationing in the United States, the ubiquitous 'cakes of wrath' circulated on the black market, particularly amongst desperate film makers. As the innocuous but addictive foodstuff permeated their bodies, their taste and cinematic artistry fell to abysmal levels, as the dastardly Dictator had plotted in far off Burlinesque.
And, because the war effort required total mobilisation, certain traditional taboos had been relaxed for the time being. Desperate and unscrupulous film makers fell under the influence of Double Cross bribery and began to churn out badly dubbed, poorly edited exploitation films- and the seventies were still thirty years or so in the future!!! One of the beneficiaries of this cunning plan was the US bald community. As previously established, Earth-12/55 has some quite weird social norms, and one of them is disdain and revulsion at male pattern baldness. In fact, it is illegal to either be bald or exhibit one's bald head in their United States. Reactions of shock, expressions of horror and name-calling inexorably follow on. However, as a consequence of the addictive Twinkie tm influx into the United States, Gurnhouse cinemas and gimcrack, ephemeral studios started to churn out bargain basement productions like Slappim and Begorrah: Cities of the Exceedingly Plain, Naked Noggin, Hairless Out and Stunned, Julius Caesar Was Bald, Bald Sensual Vladimir Lenin the Naughty Communist, the Wanton Lusts of Martin Van Buren aka Bald President of Sin, Bald and Abandoned to Lust, Behind the Toupee Curtain, Yul Brynner Goes Baldist, Dairy of A Baldist, Baldilocks and the Three Balds, Alopecia (Valley of the Bald), House on Bald Mountain, The Bald Uranus, Bald on Uranus, Bald in Bald Hills, The Princess and the Baldie Man, Baldenstein, This Bald World and My Bald Laddy. And across the length and breadth of the United States, innocent and clueless teenagers were introduced to the sordid, murky and hair-deprived bald lifestyle, seduced into ending the lives of their guiltless hairshafts out the belief that Bald was somehow 'sexy' and 'transgressive', instead of gauche and unattractive.
Anyway, predictably, the Freedom Force got involved, presumably because this is a parody of those times that All Star Comics got into social messages for the public good about 'juvenile delinquency'
and other earnest, serious subjects.
A NEW YORK THEATRE:
Thus it was that Hatman and Madam Fatal inadvertantly encountered the heinous Gurnhouse film The Wanton Lusts of Martin Van Buren or Bald President of Sin- which, for some inconceivable reason, had been atrociously dubbed into Spanish and was now known as Las lujurias desenfrenadas de Martin Van Buren or Presidente calvo del pecado. They first became aware that something was badly amiss when Martin Van Buren removed his toupee, to the sound of salacious organ music, and gasps of horror and revulsion at the unhairing of the President. And then, although Martin Van Buren's wife Hannah had passed away and she was supposed to be several thousand miles away across the Atlantic in London and had not yet begun her courtesan career, in swept Lola Montez, the international temptress:
"Presidente anciano calvo, ¿eres capaz de pasar un buen rato?/ Oh sexy bald president, may I caress your hot nubile manly bald head?"
"¡Jovencita, ni siquiera tienes mala reputación todavía!/ Beautiful young temptress, come into the arms of a Real Man!!!"
"no eres gay verdad? No, espera, ese es James Buchanan y no será presidente hasta dentro de veinte años./ I burn with passion for your erotic bald head, you delicious paragon of masculinity! And who is this James Buchanan anyway?"
"Mira, Lola, lo siento, pero no me excitas./ Ah, Lola, join me in the boudoir!"
By now, people were screaming and stampeding from the theatre in horror, terrified by the deliberate display of full frontal baldness on screen, although the Latino members of the audience were also nauseated at the utterly vile, addled and totally mangled, inaccurate translation from Spanish into English: "Help! Help! Oh, won't someone think of the children! They're too young to witness shameful nude naked noggins parading around in the altogether on screen like this!"
"¡Me siento violentamente enfermo! ¿Quién fue el responsable de esa atrocidad contra la lengua española y el buen gusto?/ I feel violently ill! Who was responsible for that atrocity against the Spanish language and good taste?"
Meanwhile, Hatman had ducked into a convenient broom closet to assume his heroic identity and Madam Fatal was already in hers, anyway. People found the sprightly octogenerian far more vivacious than her secret identity, Richard Cranston, a rather boring real estate agent in his thirties, so go figure. The duo made their way into the projector room and burst open the door, only to find the projectionist supine on the ground and unconsciousness. Hatman gasped:
"He's been kayoed!"
"And this obviously isn't the Life and Times of Our Eighth President. Someone has substituted this dreadful paean to shameless hair hatred and wild exaggeration about the libido of bald men to shock and horrify unsuspecting audiences."
"I think we'd better reconvene at Freedom Force HQ. This requires the intervention of our whole august assemblage, Madam."
FREEDOM FORCE HQ:
"It was absolutely awful, and I'm not talking about the atrociously butchered English/Spanish translation, or the surreal, unhistorical juxtapositioning of Martin Van Buren and Lola Montez, even though they were historical contemporaries. Someone went to a great deal of trouble to substitute that hair hating propaganda film and sap the morale from our national war effort against the Double Cross." Hatman exclaimed.
"Hmmm. Yes, I wish I could tell you that your terrible aesthetic experience was only the result of a botched distribution deal and wrong delivery, but I'm afraid that Freedom Force has learnt of several other incidents in which unsuspecting audiences were exposed to wanton scenes of rampant baldness, inept characterisation, creative (ahem) mistranslation and kindergarten film editing standards. For example, Casablanca was removed from this hapless theatre's projection facilities and replaced with the foetid abomination known as Slappim and Begorrah: Or Cities of the Exceedingly Plain, in which ancient Baldists assassinate God before he can incinerate them and go on living their appalling nude naked nogginry lifestyle. Which is hardly biblical, even in some of the more obviously psilocybin-induced apocryphal gnostic scriptures." Granny Gumshoe mused.
"Why can't other follicularly sparse people be like Mahatma Gandhi and General Eisenhower? At least they're modest enough to cover up their unhaired heads with military caps and hats." Hatman asked, not coincidentally.
"We need to get to the bottom of this. Yes, Mighty Boy?"
The future Mr Might's boyhood incarnation cleared his throat: "I think there may be a connection between the increasing Gurnhouse threat and my old arch enemy, Lex Object. Remember, he always blamed me for going bald after accidentally creating a hair defoliant chemical that went wrong and balded him. I think he may be collaborating with the Double Cross."
BURLINSQUE:
And predictably, that was certainly the case. Lex Object chortled maleficently as he leant back in his producers chair and churned forth yet another "nutty-baldie" film, as the distinctive Gurnhouse subgenre was called. This latest cinematic disgrace was entitled World Without Hair and focused on Elmer, who discovered that he liked shaving off all his hair and listening to the terrified microscopic screams of the innocent little hairshafts as they were massacred in their hundreds. An impressionable teenager, Elmer has fallen under the interest of the cadaverous and ridiculously elderly William S. Burrows who is also bald. Encouraging his youthful charge to defy good taste and social convention, Burrows lures Elmer to a Bald bar, where men and even baldonic women dance around shamelessly flashing their nude naked noggins explicitly for everyone to see. Lex laughed maniacally as the completed product was loaded into a Double Cross submersible D-Boat, destined to subvert the valour, courage and grit of American soldiers and stalwart souls on the home front!
NEW YORK:
As the Gurnhouse 'nutty baldie' phenomenon spread like a growing stain, no movie house was safe. Even an innocuous Budd Bunny animated children' film might be suddenly subject to Elmer Dudd whipping off his hunting hat, shamelessly displaying his naked head and fiendishly laughing, extolling his shocked and disgusted audience that his obsession with hunting a certain grey wise-cracking rabbit was caused by his anti-hair deviant lifestyle and his enjoyment of sadism and torture fomented by the ritual morning massacres of suffering, screaming innocent hairshafts!
Fortunately, Freedom Force were on the case, as Fatman and Startleman patrolled the skies above the thrusting metropolis. Startleman gasped: "Look! It's one of them 'nutty baldie' films in flagrant and shameless production, in broad daylight!"
In his flying saucer persona, Fatman wobbled in agreement and the two crime fighters swooped down, intent on disrupting the sordid spectacle below them. Even if the motivation was concealed beneath a facade of historical propriety, the intent was plain for all to see, given the film's abhorrent title: Julius Caesar Was Bald! Which indeed, he had been, but this travesty of ancient Roman political detail had Caesar deriving his name from the words "Cease Hair", perverting Queen Cleopatra by arousing balderastoholophiliac desires within her and not being assassinated in 44 BC for being a wanton shameless bald exhibitionist (as had actually been the case on Earth-55), but instead due to realistic political concerns about his political ambitions and monopoly of power.
Lex Object looked up: "Curse you, Freedom Force! Surely I'm more of a menace than that!"
Startleman sternly replied: "No, sorry, Lex, you're a juvenile delinquent with advanced scientific skills at this stage, nothing more. Let's clobber him, Fatman!"
At that point, Hatman also showed up and produced a bowler from his hat-ility belt, jamming it over the bald villain's head. The police arrived in short order to arrest the illicit and depraved "nutty-baldie" performers and cart them off to jail for anti-hair deviancy. But even Freedom Force were finding their limited heroic and crimefighting resources challenged by the proliferating threats to hairy public decency and good taste!
It was then that Dr Fey noticed something- why, it was a discarded plastic cake wrapper! As he bent over to pick it up, his perplexity increased. He showed it to his Freedom Force colleagues: "Any idea what this is? I'm getting some distinctly peculiar vibrations from it."
Dr Goodnite nodded: "That's not all. My blindsight lenses are showing some bizarre pulsating radiation traces."
Princess Power frowned: "Why, it's a Hostess Twinkies tm wrapper. Wait a minute. They've been showing up adjacent to the scenes of these Gurnhouse 'nutty-baldie' films. Granny?"
Granny Gumshoe subjected the wrapper to intensive spectroscopic analysis and gasped: "Why, these Hostess Twinkies tm are a highly addictive substance! I remember Lippy Lu, my heavily-built grand daughter, going beserk when she first sampled one, when it first appeared in 1930. From what my spectroscopic analysis shows , Hostess Twinkies tm pies are a malignant substance that has spread across the country. One would wager that it has been responsible for normal, law abiding hairy people turning into depraved, antisocial baldists in order to fulfil their addiction to these deceptively innocuous cupcakes. As Deborah here has so sagely remarked, these Chocodile twinkies, Ding Dongs, Hohos, Snoballs, Suzie Qs, zingers and Twinkies are warping and twisting susceptible American minds. If they are not stopped, eventually, vast numbers of Twinkies will overwhelm our national social structures and defenses, suppressing all social activities other than rampant consumption of the cakes of wrath here. There must be a Double Cross conspiracy to flood the United States with them during Global War B.
We must tell the President about this!"
And so they did. With the assistance of Congress, Franklin Delano Roosevelt promptly declared them illegal in early 1942.
"There's something else. There is an eldritch enchantment flowing around these vile confections. Hostess Twinkies tm seem to also be cunning parasitic forms of predatory foodstuff, which can travel across an infinite variety of parallel universes. Nor does the geographic location that I have detected match anywhere on our Earth. It seems to have originated on an alternate world known as Earth-766, but I cannot receive any interdimensional broadcasts from that setting. Rampant Twinkie tm addiction resulted in a state of oversugared obliviousness to the prospect of a giant asteroid impact. Worse still, it can even affect high grade metahumans like young Mighty Boy here. I shall banish it from our universe! It shall never return!" Dr Fey waved his hands and the killer cakes vanished into oblivion.
And with that, the Gurnhouse craze subsided and Baldists slunk back into the shadows, their moment of shameless hairless exhibitionism over until the 2020s.
THE END