Post by redsycorax on Oct 13, 2018 23:31:02 GMT
For some reason, Bat Woman and her Bat Girls troupe found themselves dressed in traffic officer outfits and had cautioned their new ally, Bat Queen, to a halt:
"Didn't anyone ever tell you drag racing was not safe?"
"Why are you engaged in traffic control duties and moreover, suddenly on Earth-79?" asked the Dark Knight Drag Diva.
"Yes, especially since I'm a millionaire and own a bungalow in the Hamptons. Bat Woman to Freedom Brigade. We have a situation." But static emanated from her FBUS signal device. Her brow furrowed. This was ominous.
Mr Might was wrestling with a tiger, who whispered: "Oh Mr Might, you're so dominant!"
"Wait a minute, you're Mr Tony, a sugar pops logo. Why am I wrestling you, given that I was flying across Alaska a few seconds ago."
"Please, don't stop."
"Who is responsible for this escaped tiger? Is it the cereal company who employs him?"
"I'll have you know I'm an emancipated animal. And it's no good looking in the general direction of the circus or zoo conveniently nearby."
"Mr Tony, this is serious. People shouldn't let wild animals out of cages without considering consequences first."
"Then why did so many Americans vote for an hysterical orangutan to be president? Or are you trying to say the First Orangutan has rabies?!"
"Er, Dirk mon, about thet young wummin we picked up a while ago..."
"Yeah, I know, Hamish. What happened to her?"
"I plucked my eyebrows on the way, shaved my legs and now I'm a he!"
"Well, why not? Wait a minute. You're not a mere hitch-hiking young woman, you're Hardly Grim, Badman's arch nemesis. Which therefore means you're on our side."
"No, sorry, I'm Hardly Sane, the Earth-122 AU version. Didn't anyone ever tell you guys about the risks of picking up hitch hikers who might be maniacal supercriminals? Nyahahaha!!!" However, all that expository dialogue had given Dirk Grierson time to change into his secret identity, Lightswitch. As Hamish took over the wheel, Lightswitch brandished his Lightpole (it's a combat weapon...) and battle was joined with Hardly Sane and her chain saw. In the midst of battle, he pondered why this should be happening, especially given the fact that Hamish and he had been sunning themselves on a Florida beach until two minutes ago.
Lady Liberty was using her tiara to skewer some vandals. Fortunately, their woollen animal capes made them an ideal target. She said sternly:
"Try to invade early twenty first century America, will you? Vandals should not be encouraged!" With a sinking feeling, she realised she'd just made a fairly awful pun and came to what was becoming a simultaneous conclusion that Something Was Wrong!!!
Princess Power was lecturing her own contingent of hapless individuals as she scolded a group of school children:
"You should never, ever cheat!"
"Then why is the First Orangutan our current president?"
Oh no! I'm caught in a bad public service announcement!!! realised the Enormous Amazon.
Finally, Mermaid found herself in a situation with reckless, risk taking teenagers in the Mid-Atlantic:
"Stop jumping that shark! You're not desperate US television network producers faced with a failing property."
With that, the Freedom Brigade assembled on their satellite, with one common realisation in mind:
"We're under attack from renegade Public Service Announcements."
"Why? They seem harmless enough..." Mr Might pondered
"Speak for yourself, Cliff. I got into a nasty scrap with Hardly Sane, an AU version of our ally Hardly Grim. Moreover, these things seem to be happening with no regard for continuity or our other responsibilities. Who could be behind this heinous scheme?" Lightswitch responded.
"I think it's Bat Woman!!! S-she has a tattoo!!!" quavered Mr Might.
"Now, now, Cliff, let's not descend into totally irrational prejudice. Awwwppp!!! There we go again!" Princess Power said.
"I have a confession to make. The tattoo is fake. Sorry, I thought it was just an innocent prank. Oh, no, not me as well..." Bat Woman exclaimed.
"Is it my imagination or is that FBUS cargo rocket badly off course and about to hit one of the moons of Shatnupiter? Uh oh. My particle beam vision detects two small children, possibly stowaways and/or runaways? Well, at least that one was relatively constructive. Off I go to save the day!!!" Mr Might said, as the Very Strange Visitor from Way Off the Planet accelerated off to save the unfortunate children from the ravages of the enormous gasbag that was Shatnupiter, which is a salutary warning that overconsumption can have dramatic consequences.
"All right, isn't it time for whoever this episode's supervillain is to confront us about their evil plans?"
"Nyahahahhahaha!!! That's right, Freedom Brigade, it's me!!!"
"Oh, what a perfect surprise. It's the Addler, Badman's archfoe before he went bent and also criminal. What do you want, you arch fiend?"
"I decided not to reform when Badman went crooked. Is that Robber the Boy Plunder?"
"I went straight, so to speak, but not in that way, and Badman is no longer with us. If you want revenge on Badman, why not leave supervillainy behind?"
"Because this is far better! Also the money from disposing of the entire Freedom Brigade... What's that smell?"
"Good heavens- it's Green Trashcan, alias S.Mel Gordon, the Odiferous Avenger!!! But we thought you retired when the Bestest League was "Lost in Time, Lost in Space and Meaning!!!!"
"Caotain Swift told me you needed a bad Green Lantern parody and there wasn't one in the original Freedom Brigade. So I decided to come out of retirement with a little convincing from Captain Swift. I...can't face life on Earth without my girlfriend Caroi Christmas, aka Glandular Glider. So I decided to turn to you for company. And anyway, Billy is blackmailing me."
"Great! Another new FBUS member!!! Hey, what happened to the PSAs?" For, with Addler unconscious, they had ceased to exist. For convenience sake, it was decided to deliver the supervillain to Belle Sneeze for commercial-free incarceration.
THE END
"Didn't anyone ever tell you drag racing was not safe?"
"Why are you engaged in traffic control duties and moreover, suddenly on Earth-79?" asked the Dark Knight Drag Diva.
"Yes, especially since I'm a millionaire and own a bungalow in the Hamptons. Bat Woman to Freedom Brigade. We have a situation." But static emanated from her FBUS signal device. Her brow furrowed. This was ominous.
Mr Might was wrestling with a tiger, who whispered: "Oh Mr Might, you're so dominant!"
"Wait a minute, you're Mr Tony, a sugar pops logo. Why am I wrestling you, given that I was flying across Alaska a few seconds ago."
"Please, don't stop."
"Who is responsible for this escaped tiger? Is it the cereal company who employs him?"
"I'll have you know I'm an emancipated animal. And it's no good looking in the general direction of the circus or zoo conveniently nearby."
"Mr Tony, this is serious. People shouldn't let wild animals out of cages without considering consequences first."
"Then why did so many Americans vote for an hysterical orangutan to be president? Or are you trying to say the First Orangutan has rabies?!"
"Er, Dirk mon, about thet young wummin we picked up a while ago..."
"Yeah, I know, Hamish. What happened to her?"
"I plucked my eyebrows on the way, shaved my legs and now I'm a he!"
"Well, why not? Wait a minute. You're not a mere hitch-hiking young woman, you're Hardly Grim, Badman's arch nemesis. Which therefore means you're on our side."
"No, sorry, I'm Hardly Sane, the Earth-122 AU version. Didn't anyone ever tell you guys about the risks of picking up hitch hikers who might be maniacal supercriminals? Nyahahaha!!!" However, all that expository dialogue had given Dirk Grierson time to change into his secret identity, Lightswitch. As Hamish took over the wheel, Lightswitch brandished his Lightpole (it's a combat weapon...) and battle was joined with Hardly Sane and her chain saw. In the midst of battle, he pondered why this should be happening, especially given the fact that Hamish and he had been sunning themselves on a Florida beach until two minutes ago.
Lady Liberty was using her tiara to skewer some vandals. Fortunately, their woollen animal capes made them an ideal target. She said sternly:
"Try to invade early twenty first century America, will you? Vandals should not be encouraged!" With a sinking feeling, she realised she'd just made a fairly awful pun and came to what was becoming a simultaneous conclusion that Something Was Wrong!!!
Princess Power was lecturing her own contingent of hapless individuals as she scolded a group of school children:
"You should never, ever cheat!"
"Then why is the First Orangutan our current president?"
Oh no! I'm caught in a bad public service announcement!!! realised the Enormous Amazon.
Finally, Mermaid found herself in a situation with reckless, risk taking teenagers in the Mid-Atlantic:
"Stop jumping that shark! You're not desperate US television network producers faced with a failing property."
With that, the Freedom Brigade assembled on their satellite, with one common realisation in mind:
"We're under attack from renegade Public Service Announcements."
"Why? They seem harmless enough..." Mr Might pondered
"Speak for yourself, Cliff. I got into a nasty scrap with Hardly Sane, an AU version of our ally Hardly Grim. Moreover, these things seem to be happening with no regard for continuity or our other responsibilities. Who could be behind this heinous scheme?" Lightswitch responded.
"I think it's Bat Woman!!! S-she has a tattoo!!!" quavered Mr Might.
"Now, now, Cliff, let's not descend into totally irrational prejudice. Awwwppp!!! There we go again!" Princess Power said.
"I have a confession to make. The tattoo is fake. Sorry, I thought it was just an innocent prank. Oh, no, not me as well..." Bat Woman exclaimed.
"Is it my imagination or is that FBUS cargo rocket badly off course and about to hit one of the moons of Shatnupiter? Uh oh. My particle beam vision detects two small children, possibly stowaways and/or runaways? Well, at least that one was relatively constructive. Off I go to save the day!!!" Mr Might said, as the Very Strange Visitor from Way Off the Planet accelerated off to save the unfortunate children from the ravages of the enormous gasbag that was Shatnupiter, which is a salutary warning that overconsumption can have dramatic consequences.
"All right, isn't it time for whoever this episode's supervillain is to confront us about their evil plans?"
"Nyahahahhahaha!!! That's right, Freedom Brigade, it's me!!!"
"Oh, what a perfect surprise. It's the Addler, Badman's archfoe before he went bent and also criminal. What do you want, you arch fiend?"
"I decided not to reform when Badman went crooked. Is that Robber the Boy Plunder?"
"I went straight, so to speak, but not in that way, and Badman is no longer with us. If you want revenge on Badman, why not leave supervillainy behind?"
"Because this is far better! Also the money from disposing of the entire Freedom Brigade... What's that smell?"
"Good heavens- it's Green Trashcan, alias S.Mel Gordon, the Odiferous Avenger!!! But we thought you retired when the Bestest League was "Lost in Time, Lost in Space and Meaning!!!!"
"Caotain Swift told me you needed a bad Green Lantern parody and there wasn't one in the original Freedom Brigade. So I decided to come out of retirement with a little convincing from Captain Swift. I...can't face life on Earth without my girlfriend Caroi Christmas, aka Glandular Glider. So I decided to turn to you for company. And anyway, Billy is blackmailing me."
"Great! Another new FBUS member!!! Hey, what happened to the PSAs?" For, with Addler unconscious, they had ceased to exist. For convenience sake, it was decided to deliver the supervillain to Belle Sneeze for commercial-free incarceration.
THE END