Post by redsycorax on Nov 17, 2018 2:20:28 GMT
This is the interminable story of Peculiar Place... blah blah Barbara Madison, Rodney Furrington, Hamish MacHunk, Dirk Grierson aka Lightswitch, Harriet Hooper P.S.Peculiar, Buck Warlock, Walter Warlock, Salome the Swamp Woman, and Vicky Katt aka Batwoman... SPOO!!!
'Whait th' hull? Why eir all the killed off characters back here and whair the hell did thet narratophage come fram?"
"And why did it disclose our secret identities so inconveniently?" Bat Woman said sternly.
"Curse you, Warlocks!!!" P.S.Peculiar groaned.
"Excuse me, Walter and I are supposed to be the undead ones around here, Peculiar. And please, don't try to steal Warlock Hall from us yet again."
"Daid!" Hamish McHunk gasped.
"Why, Hamish, you're...gay. And married to the Robber guy from Slotham City."
"This expository dialogue is getting needless. I'm calling in the Freedom Brigade and we'll get to the bottom of this."
And so, the Freedom Brigade of the United States returned to the rusty hamburger in Massachusetts that was known as ...Peculiar Place.
"Oh, so we're having a crossover with Peculiar Place now?" commented Lady Liberty
"Yeah, apparently the Freedom Brigade budget is too low to allow us to fork out for travel to an alternate universe so we can't have a Crisis of our own. Be that as it may, gasp!!! Several formerly late denizens of that rust-covered hamhock have come back to life!!"
"Curse you, Warlocks!!!" P.S.Peculiar said, repeating himself.
"Are you sure, in his case?" asked Buck Warlock, as Bat Woman shone an exploratory Bat Torch in his eyes.
"Leave my husband alone, you badly costumed Bat franchisee!!!" growled Aunt Harriet Hooper, courtesy of a continuity glitch, making Aunt Harriet Peculiar.
"I'm sorry, Mrs Peculiar, but your husband is irretrievably gaga, and so you stand to inherit the...wait a minute, that's rather too convenient..." Bat Woman said, narrowing her eyes at the former Grierson relative.
"Curse you, Warlocks!!!" P.S Peculiar repeated.
"Can't he be taken off somewhere and stuffed?" asked Buck Warlock.
"Ahem. If we can get a word in edgeways? It does indeed seem to be the case that you've had several cheap resurrections of your own, although obviously it didn't quite take when it came to P.S. Peculiar. Much the same has happened to our formerly deceased members Patriot and Green Canary, as well as our camp nemesis Badman."
"Shouldn't that be 'arch' nemesis?" Lightswitch queried.
"Not according to this convenient Susan Sontag booklet edition of Notes on Camp, he isn't. My electron microscope vision reveals strange micro-organisms lurking in the bodies of P.S. and Aunt Harriet Peculiar and Rodney Furrington."
"Are you implying I'm not alive, you alien interloper?"
"Aye, well, Daid, I do have yair death certificate haere." Hamish said, somehow extracting it from a concealed pocket in his very short shorts.
"Peculiar Place is a small inbred community- no, sorry, that should be small intimate community, we're in Massachusetts, not the South. We have nothing to hide, except extramarital affairs, medical malpractice, manslaughter trials, alien abductions, multiple personalities, long-lost triplets, illegal human cloning experiments, human sacrifice, cannibalism, morris-dancing and other typical small town foibles." Barbara Madison objected.
"Why do I have the sinking feeling that there's another gratuitous attack on Republicans coming up, Jabez?" Lady Liberty muttered.
"How dare you!!! We're not R-r-republicans!!! We do have some ethical standards!!!" Barbara Madison snapped.
"Hello, I'm Salome the Swamp Woman. I wasn't in the last crossover. Anyway, I'm the local Massachusetts State Forest Ranger these days."
"No, I will not allow you into the Peculiar Manor Cemetary, where generations of Peculiars have been buried since time immemorial." Aunt Harriet glowered
"You can't legally do that as his widow, Mrs Peculiar. It was bequeathed to the State of Massachusetts as a Heritage Area back in the sixties."
"Have I no rights whatsoever in this situation?" cried Harriet Peculiar.
"I suspect the key to this mystery lies buried in that desolate waste." Bat Woman said.
"Don't call my husband a desolate waste!" Harriet Peculiar snapped, caught in an excruciatingly bad double entendre.
Mermaid used her aquatic senses to survey the area: "This seems to back out onto Slaughter Swamp. I read some bizarre forms in the area."
"Are they undead?"
"No, just some meddling 'kids' in their thirties and a talking dog with a speech impediment. Ahem. Get lost, Rinky Dink and assorted hangers on, there are no zombies in this episode and we got here first, so bugger off." A sordidly coloured seventies van backfired as it sped off, with inaudible curses muttered in the general direction of the Freedom Brigade and their Peculiar Place hosts.
"Buck, could it be the Old Crocagator?"
Salome shook her head: "No, the Crocagator died back in the eighties and was badly stuffed and mounted and is now in the Peculiar Museum. I'm afraid there's no somewhat surrealistic wildlife lurking around here, either. After Republicans became virtually extinct here, environmental safety standards improved dramatically overnight, and they moved South."
"Mermaid, what bizarre forms do you mean, apart from the cheap rip off dog with speech impediments and annoying accomplices who have subsequently left?"
"I think they could be aliens, judging from those flying hubcaps loitering around the cemetary." Lightswitch pointed out.
"Could this be a cunning plan to invade Earth?"
"Look out!" Barbara screeched and fainted, as a vampire with his face mysteriously shrouded walked out of the forest and back into it again.
"Sorry, she's a little liable to bad sixties female behavioural stereotyping." Walter Warlock said sheepishly.
"There's another one!" At this point, a wasp-waisted woman sashayed forward and then back.
"Uh, has anyone noticed they're not actually doing anything?!"
"And who forgot to clean up around here? What are those plastic skeletons doing littering the surroundings?"
"Earthmen!!!"
"Sic. Well, actually, I'm Neonian, but we'll let that faux pas past."
"And several of us are women."
"I am Cupid, a soldier of my world and this is Tandem, my female assistant."
"We are here to stop Earthmen igniting the atoms of the sun itself because it will destroy the universe altogether."
"Be silent, woman!!! We have a fiendish Plan afoot to reanimate the dead!!!"
"Oh, crap." Rodney said
"Why didn't it work with my husband?"
"There are limits, I'm afraid. Anyway, you were married in the afterlife by the Devil, so he isn't really your husband. You're living in sin with him!!!"
"How is that possible? P.S. Peculiar is so decrepit Harriet couldn't have had any chance to sin with him. Incidentally, why are alien beings conversant with Christian theology?"
"You think that just because we are not from this planet we have no concept of God and the Devil?"
"All right, I've had quite enough of this convenient Plan 9 from Outer Space plot twist segue. Get 'em, Bat Girls!!!" In a tussle, the Bat Girls rapidly overpowered both aliens and soon had them tied up. Rodney groaned: "Look, you do realise Harriet, P.S. and I will die as soon as you turn that undeadener machine off?"
"Sorry, Rodney. But isn't it worth it to get rid of P.S. Peculiar again?"
"Yeah, and Aunt Harriet. I had quite enough of her back at Stately Payne Manor until the franchise went bankrupt and Badman and I had to fire her."
"Oh, all right. Son, I want to say I'm so proud of the man you turned out to be. Even if you wear very little."
"Och, thanks Daid. Ah'm glad ah haid the chance to meet yez tew." Hamish embraced Rodney as Captain Swift pushed the lever down. Abruptly, the two Peculiar Placeholders turned into cheap plastic skeletons with hooks attached at the top. Abruptly, the vehicle began to shudder and shake and threatened to erupt into flame as it started to wobble off the ground. Captain Swift and Mr Might evacuated the others as the flaming saucer lurched across the Los Angeles backdrop as Cupid screamed, trying to revive the prone Tandem, before it mercifully burst into flame.
And so, with romantic interludes for Hamish, Lightswitch, Bat Woman and Buck Warlock once more, the denizens of Peculiar Place and the Freedom Brigade went their seperate ways, wondering when fate and the budgetary constraints of the FBUS would cause them to meet again...
THE END
'Whait th' hull? Why eir all the killed off characters back here and whair the hell did thet narratophage come fram?"
"And why did it disclose our secret identities so inconveniently?" Bat Woman said sternly.
"Curse you, Warlocks!!!" P.S.Peculiar groaned.
"Excuse me, Walter and I are supposed to be the undead ones around here, Peculiar. And please, don't try to steal Warlock Hall from us yet again."
"Daid!" Hamish McHunk gasped.
"Why, Hamish, you're...gay. And married to the Robber guy from Slotham City."
"This expository dialogue is getting needless. I'm calling in the Freedom Brigade and we'll get to the bottom of this."
And so, the Freedom Brigade of the United States returned to the rusty hamburger in Massachusetts that was known as ...Peculiar Place.
"Oh, so we're having a crossover with Peculiar Place now?" commented Lady Liberty
"Yeah, apparently the Freedom Brigade budget is too low to allow us to fork out for travel to an alternate universe so we can't have a Crisis of our own. Be that as it may, gasp!!! Several formerly late denizens of that rust-covered hamhock have come back to life!!"
"Curse you, Warlocks!!!" P.S.Peculiar said, repeating himself.
"Are you sure, in his case?" asked Buck Warlock, as Bat Woman shone an exploratory Bat Torch in his eyes.
"Leave my husband alone, you badly costumed Bat franchisee!!!" growled Aunt Harriet Hooper, courtesy of a continuity glitch, making Aunt Harriet Peculiar.
"I'm sorry, Mrs Peculiar, but your husband is irretrievably gaga, and so you stand to inherit the...wait a minute, that's rather too convenient..." Bat Woman said, narrowing her eyes at the former Grierson relative.
"Curse you, Warlocks!!!" P.S Peculiar repeated.
"Can't he be taken off somewhere and stuffed?" asked Buck Warlock.
"Ahem. If we can get a word in edgeways? It does indeed seem to be the case that you've had several cheap resurrections of your own, although obviously it didn't quite take when it came to P.S. Peculiar. Much the same has happened to our formerly deceased members Patriot and Green Canary, as well as our camp nemesis Badman."
"Shouldn't that be 'arch' nemesis?" Lightswitch queried.
"Not according to this convenient Susan Sontag booklet edition of Notes on Camp, he isn't. My electron microscope vision reveals strange micro-organisms lurking in the bodies of P.S. and Aunt Harriet Peculiar and Rodney Furrington."
"Are you implying I'm not alive, you alien interloper?"
"Aye, well, Daid, I do have yair death certificate haere." Hamish said, somehow extracting it from a concealed pocket in his very short shorts.
"Peculiar Place is a small inbred community- no, sorry, that should be small intimate community, we're in Massachusetts, not the South. We have nothing to hide, except extramarital affairs, medical malpractice, manslaughter trials, alien abductions, multiple personalities, long-lost triplets, illegal human cloning experiments, human sacrifice, cannibalism, morris-dancing and other typical small town foibles." Barbara Madison objected.
"Why do I have the sinking feeling that there's another gratuitous attack on Republicans coming up, Jabez?" Lady Liberty muttered.
"How dare you!!! We're not R-r-republicans!!! We do have some ethical standards!!!" Barbara Madison snapped.
"Hello, I'm Salome the Swamp Woman. I wasn't in the last crossover. Anyway, I'm the local Massachusetts State Forest Ranger these days."
"No, I will not allow you into the Peculiar Manor Cemetary, where generations of Peculiars have been buried since time immemorial." Aunt Harriet glowered
"You can't legally do that as his widow, Mrs Peculiar. It was bequeathed to the State of Massachusetts as a Heritage Area back in the sixties."
"Have I no rights whatsoever in this situation?" cried Harriet Peculiar.
"I suspect the key to this mystery lies buried in that desolate waste." Bat Woman said.
"Don't call my husband a desolate waste!" Harriet Peculiar snapped, caught in an excruciatingly bad double entendre.
Mermaid used her aquatic senses to survey the area: "This seems to back out onto Slaughter Swamp. I read some bizarre forms in the area."
"Are they undead?"
"No, just some meddling 'kids' in their thirties and a talking dog with a speech impediment. Ahem. Get lost, Rinky Dink and assorted hangers on, there are no zombies in this episode and we got here first, so bugger off." A sordidly coloured seventies van backfired as it sped off, with inaudible curses muttered in the general direction of the Freedom Brigade and their Peculiar Place hosts.
"Buck, could it be the Old Crocagator?"
Salome shook her head: "No, the Crocagator died back in the eighties and was badly stuffed and mounted and is now in the Peculiar Museum. I'm afraid there's no somewhat surrealistic wildlife lurking around here, either. After Republicans became virtually extinct here, environmental safety standards improved dramatically overnight, and they moved South."
"Mermaid, what bizarre forms do you mean, apart from the cheap rip off dog with speech impediments and annoying accomplices who have subsequently left?"
"I think they could be aliens, judging from those flying hubcaps loitering around the cemetary." Lightswitch pointed out.
"Could this be a cunning plan to invade Earth?"
"Look out!" Barbara screeched and fainted, as a vampire with his face mysteriously shrouded walked out of the forest and back into it again.
"Sorry, she's a little liable to bad sixties female behavioural stereotyping." Walter Warlock said sheepishly.
"There's another one!" At this point, a wasp-waisted woman sashayed forward and then back.
"Uh, has anyone noticed they're not actually doing anything?!"
"And who forgot to clean up around here? What are those plastic skeletons doing littering the surroundings?"
"Earthmen!!!"
"Sic. Well, actually, I'm Neonian, but we'll let that faux pas past."
"And several of us are women."
"I am Cupid, a soldier of my world and this is Tandem, my female assistant."
"We are here to stop Earthmen igniting the atoms of the sun itself because it will destroy the universe altogether."
"Be silent, woman!!! We have a fiendish Plan afoot to reanimate the dead!!!"
"Oh, crap." Rodney said
"Why didn't it work with my husband?"
"There are limits, I'm afraid. Anyway, you were married in the afterlife by the Devil, so he isn't really your husband. You're living in sin with him!!!"
"How is that possible? P.S. Peculiar is so decrepit Harriet couldn't have had any chance to sin with him. Incidentally, why are alien beings conversant with Christian theology?"
"You think that just because we are not from this planet we have no concept of God and the Devil?"
"All right, I've had quite enough of this convenient Plan 9 from Outer Space plot twist segue. Get 'em, Bat Girls!!!" In a tussle, the Bat Girls rapidly overpowered both aliens and soon had them tied up. Rodney groaned: "Look, you do realise Harriet, P.S. and I will die as soon as you turn that undeadener machine off?"
"Sorry, Rodney. But isn't it worth it to get rid of P.S. Peculiar again?"
"Yeah, and Aunt Harriet. I had quite enough of her back at Stately Payne Manor until the franchise went bankrupt and Badman and I had to fire her."
"Oh, all right. Son, I want to say I'm so proud of the man you turned out to be. Even if you wear very little."
"Och, thanks Daid. Ah'm glad ah haid the chance to meet yez tew." Hamish embraced Rodney as Captain Swift pushed the lever down. Abruptly, the two Peculiar Placeholders turned into cheap plastic skeletons with hooks attached at the top. Abruptly, the vehicle began to shudder and shake and threatened to erupt into flame as it started to wobble off the ground. Captain Swift and Mr Might evacuated the others as the flaming saucer lurched across the Los Angeles backdrop as Cupid screamed, trying to revive the prone Tandem, before it mercifully burst into flame.
And so, with romantic interludes for Hamish, Lightswitch, Bat Woman and Buck Warlock once more, the denizens of Peculiar Place and the Freedom Brigade went their seperate ways, wondering when fate and the budgetary constraints of the FBUS would cause them to meet again...
THE END