Post by redsycorax on Oct 3, 2020 2:07:14 GMT
Yes, it is once more time to return to that realm of comic mishap and cheap asides, the Dork Multiverse- full of worlds and incidents where things that shouldn't have happened at all unfortunately did, unbound by the laws of logic, good taste, consistent characterisation and probability. Take Earth-519, for example. As with many other Earths, this one had a Batman and Robin in Githom City, and their arch-enemy was the Joker. However, one day, there was a series of ghastly double entendres caused by the historical shift in slang meanings. Originally, 'boners' had referred merely to mistakes. Unfortunately, they eventually came into use as a colloquial equivalent to a certain concealed aspect of male anatomy. Events take a mercilessly cheap and tacky turn in this sequence of misbegotten events...
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It all started when the Joker and his criminal entourage had tried to raid the Githom Electrical Company's headquarters on the day that it was due to have its bankroll delivered, only to experience his perennial frustration at the hands and fists of Batman and Robin. Fuming, the Joker eluded capture, but not before tabloid Githom Daily Newts journalist Melinda Nadgers had snapped a most peculiar photograph of the Joker's groin. Later that evening, at the Jokers secret hideout, he came across a copy of the evening Daily Newts and was irate at the headline:
STAND TO ATTENTION, JOKER!!! DID THE CLOWN PRINCE HAVE A BONER FOR BATMAN?
"Bah! So! Nadgers laughs at my boner, does she? Well, I'll show them both how many boners the Joker can have."
"Uh, boss, about the planned heist at First Githom Savings and Loan?"
"Yes! We'll take alternating routes. We'll go both ways!!!"
But the Joker had a special boner, all for Batman. Or possibly, his long purple trousers were on too tight. It's difficult to tell and I don't really want to explore the implications of that last sentence, so, moving right along, the Joker had spotted a massive erection. Yes, for some reason having to do with a twin cities relationship with Italy, Githom had its own Leaning Tower of Pizzazz. Unfortunately, the Githom City Council had surreptitiously cut corners to reduce construction costs and the Leaning Tower of Pizzazz was now teetering dangerously close to total collapse. The Joker and his henchpeople burgled a business on its thirteenth floor, which Batman and Robin couldn't abseil into, given the precarious nature of the structure. The Joker smirked to himself. Soon, the emphasis on "boners" would lead to a whole pointless series of increasingly awful attempts at convoluted, bargain basement "humour" caused by new connotations for formerly innocent slang terms and Batman would be embarrassed into giving up crimefighting!!!!
Breaking into the shortwave band, the Clown Prince chortled as he taunted Batman and Robi: "Ha ha ha ha. Ha. Didn't the Batman have a massive boner yesterday?"
Back at the Batcave, Batman muttered: "Look, it's not my fault Aunt Hagatha put too much starch in my batshorts this morning. It was just a trick of the light."
"Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha. Ha. Soon, Batman will have the boner of the year, and at my hands!!!"
"What does he mean, Bruce? How can the Joker make you have a boner? He's hardly your type. Although I've noticed you do have slip-ups all the time when Catwoman's around."
"We've got to stop these boners, Dick! If it continues unhalted, I'll be the butt of never ending bad stand-up comedy routines and it isn't even 1966 yet!"
Fortunately, however, the Dynamic Duo realised that the strength of the Joker's radio communication band made it absurdly easy to triangulate and zero in on his 'secret' headquarters. The Joker was shocked and horrified when Batman, Robin and Githom City's finest burst into the hitherto unsuspected hideout: "What's going on here?! How did you track me down?"
"You were so busy trying to force me to have a boner, you forgot a major detail. You neglected to dampen down the strength of your shortwave broadcast. So now you have a boner- and what a gigantic one it was!" The Joker looked down and hastily adjusted his trousers before he was escorted away into captivity. [Look, it's not my fault his belt was loose and he was having weight loss problems-Author]
"All of Githom made a major error in not trusting you, Batman. We all had boners because of the way we miscalculated your acumen and skill."
"Phew," said a relieved Robin, "let's hope that's the last boners we'll have, at least until I meet Koriand'r several years or so from now.
THE END
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It all started when the Joker and his criminal entourage had tried to raid the Githom Electrical Company's headquarters on the day that it was due to have its bankroll delivered, only to experience his perennial frustration at the hands and fists of Batman and Robin. Fuming, the Joker eluded capture, but not before tabloid Githom Daily Newts journalist Melinda Nadgers had snapped a most peculiar photograph of the Joker's groin. Later that evening, at the Jokers secret hideout, he came across a copy of the evening Daily Newts and was irate at the headline:
STAND TO ATTENTION, JOKER!!! DID THE CLOWN PRINCE HAVE A BONER FOR BATMAN?
"Bah! So! Nadgers laughs at my boner, does she? Well, I'll show them both how many boners the Joker can have."
"Uh, boss, about the planned heist at First Githom Savings and Loan?"
"Yes! We'll take alternating routes. We'll go both ways!!!"
But the Joker had a special boner, all for Batman. Or possibly, his long purple trousers were on too tight. It's difficult to tell and I don't really want to explore the implications of that last sentence, so, moving right along, the Joker had spotted a massive erection. Yes, for some reason having to do with a twin cities relationship with Italy, Githom had its own Leaning Tower of Pizzazz. Unfortunately, the Githom City Council had surreptitiously cut corners to reduce construction costs and the Leaning Tower of Pizzazz was now teetering dangerously close to total collapse. The Joker and his henchpeople burgled a business on its thirteenth floor, which Batman and Robin couldn't abseil into, given the precarious nature of the structure. The Joker smirked to himself. Soon, the emphasis on "boners" would lead to a whole pointless series of increasingly awful attempts at convoluted, bargain basement "humour" caused by new connotations for formerly innocent slang terms and Batman would be embarrassed into giving up crimefighting!!!!
Breaking into the shortwave band, the Clown Prince chortled as he taunted Batman and Robi: "Ha ha ha ha. Ha. Didn't the Batman have a massive boner yesterday?"
Back at the Batcave, Batman muttered: "Look, it's not my fault Aunt Hagatha put too much starch in my batshorts this morning. It was just a trick of the light."
"Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha. Ha. Soon, Batman will have the boner of the year, and at my hands!!!"
"What does he mean, Bruce? How can the Joker make you have a boner? He's hardly your type. Although I've noticed you do have slip-ups all the time when Catwoman's around."
"We've got to stop these boners, Dick! If it continues unhalted, I'll be the butt of never ending bad stand-up comedy routines and it isn't even 1966 yet!"
Fortunately, however, the Dynamic Duo realised that the strength of the Joker's radio communication band made it absurdly easy to triangulate and zero in on his 'secret' headquarters. The Joker was shocked and horrified when Batman, Robin and Githom City's finest burst into the hitherto unsuspected hideout: "What's going on here?! How did you track me down?"
"You were so busy trying to force me to have a boner, you forgot a major detail. You neglected to dampen down the strength of your shortwave broadcast. So now you have a boner- and what a gigantic one it was!" The Joker looked down and hastily adjusted his trousers before he was escorted away into captivity. [Look, it's not my fault his belt was loose and he was having weight loss problems-Author]
"All of Githom made a major error in not trusting you, Batman. We all had boners because of the way we miscalculated your acumen and skill."
"Phew," said a relieved Robin, "let's hope that's the last boners we'll have, at least until I meet Koriand'r several years or so from now.
THE END