Post by redsycorax on Nov 30, 2020 4:20:50 GMT
Gathered together blah blah comic reaches multiverse blah Mister Might, Mermaid, Princess Power, The Patriot, Bowman, Black Vulcan, Lady Liberty, Captain Swift, Green Trashcan, Bat Woman, Mighty Hermaphrodite, Lightpower, blah, Freedom Brigade of the United States. Blah blah repetitious one note sitcom from the seventies blah...
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A DESERTED CLASSROOM:
James Bootycall High School in Blennerhassit, New York had long been closed due to city education cutbacks and had been vandalised, otherwise mutilated and burnt down repeated times since it had been the setting for a tiresome seventies series entitled Willing Blot, Krapper. The situation in question was a remedial class in which Gus Krapper, a sardonic former remedial student made good himself had become a teacher and imparted twee life experiences to his hapless students. Vincenzo El Barbariano was a himbo and transferred to a fifties theme greasy high school where he could wear black and a leather jacket and oily hair all the time and fall in love with an Australian exchange student. Arnold Hooshark was one of the three Jewish characters on the programme and turned out to be one of the unexpected standouts, leaving the Swotpigs for a higher educational stream, George Washington King was the sole African American character with prodigious basketball skills and an excellent voice, causing his departure for the entertainment industry after a successful period with the Brooklyn Globetrotters. Principal Woodenperson was the obligatory grouchy elderly headmaster of the institution. Juan Don Kravitz was a Puerto Rican Jewish guy who later embarked on an excellent comic career. Nobody asked why it was that Gus Krapper was teaching guys that were his own age and totally unconvincing as teenagers. Ultimately, something approximating reality caught up with all of them. The advanced relative age of the Swotpigs was revealed as a ruse by Principal Woodenperson to get his hands on money from the New York State Education Authority. Sacked from his position, Principal Woodenperson and Juan Kravitz engaged in a highly lucrative double act. As to why it had taken the NYEA four years to see through the obvious fraud, well, this was the seventies and everything was cheap and tacky them. Despite the name of the series, the scenario was contrived to have Gus Krapper out of the way for a while so no-one would notice the absence of an age gap. But all that was fifty years ago.
Three figures met in the derelict building- the aforementioned Gus Krapper, Vincenzo El Barbariano (now a Schemotologist) and George Washington King, now a multi-millionaire from his athletic and musical career:
"Mr Krap-Ear. How's Mrs Krap-Ear?"
"She's been dead for the last four years, George. I see the years have been extremely kind to you."
"Sorry to hear that, man. I suppose you two heard that Juan, Arnold and Principal Woodenperson are no longer with us either?"
"No. What happened?"
"After the school funding scandal, Juan and the Principal had a comedy duet in Vegas for years until they tragically slipped on poisoned banana peels. As for Arnold, it was even sadder. He became a failed supervillain called Entropy Man and was betrayed by Badman, the Darknight Deviant. He eked out a living as a bottomless male gogo dancer in New Jersey until it was overrun by zombies. Or were they vampires? Or the Mob? Damn it, I'm reverting to a himbo Italian stereotype."
"Wait a minute, Vincey. I thought so. You were actually Ant Moroso in Friday Night Freakout, then Donny Puko in Greece, until you reverted to your real name, Vincenzo Venom in Plop Fictions. Y-you killed Arnold, didn't you?"
"Well, yes. I admit it, puny irascible Earthling educator. I took over Vincy's body in the eighties while he was going through a bad patch. I am actually... Terd of Psychopocalypse, an advanced civilisation with corrugated foreheads that has subdued Earth in the distant thirty first century and feed the hapless survivors to our god Nanunanu!!!"
"Why does that sound like the plot for an extremely bad science fiction movie?"
"Silence, puny Earthling human creatures! I shall now destroy you en route for the equally puny Freedom Brigade's puny satellite and wreck our species history by taking over Earth a millennium in advance!" The alien invader drew out an equally hackneyed fifties style blasterkilldeath pistol and zapped his former teacher with it. In the ensuing expository dialogue, though, George had ran from the school at a rate of knots, found the only functioning AT&T phonebooth in Blennerhasset, and phoned up his old Brooklyn Globebusters team mate Pierce Jeffries, aka Black Vulcan, the electricity wielding sole black member of the Freedom Brigade...
FBUS SATELLITE:
"We're being invaded by an alien with a curiously corrugated forehead." Bat Woman observed.
"Is it a Clungoff?" Mighty Hermaphrodite asked.
"No, they signed a peace treaty with the United Galactic Confederation of Worlds when someone finally forced a corset around Captain Pork of the USS Unimpressed, otherwise his corpulence extended all the way into the Boomerang Neutrality Zone. So they're no longer a threat." Mr Might sagely added.
"Hmmm. I've encountered them on a couple of visits uptime. They're Psychopocalypses." Captain Swift replied.
"Hey, my former bro George Washington King, the famous hoop star, told me one of his old school buddies was actually one of those Psychowatchacallits and had just killed their ex-teacher, Gus Krapper."
Black Vulcan exclaimed.
"Hmm. So, Billy, what are these Psychotronicbenders like?"
"Well, we've established they've got a corrugated forehead thang going. They also have marmalade coloured eyes, skullcrests, dreadlocked hair, fanged teeth and a highly limited range of facial expressions and paws with six taloned fingers. And they wear gas masks all the time because they explode automatically on contact with dihydrogen oxide. They discovered Earth's existence through intercepting Voyager Three and then used their terrible flatulence to asphyxiate the Earth's population while mining for aluminium, which is a rare metal on their home world, Menomina Ptee Pteepi. The human resistance eventually succeeded in blowing up their hollowed out world through use of nuclear weapons. Okay, so it's bizarre that a mined out homeworld could still support life and that an interstellar capable civilisation still relied on nuclear energy, aircraft and worshipped a deity called Nanunanu who disposed of his alien enemies in volcanos fifty million years ago. However, aliens do have strange habits."
"Watch it, you." Mr Might fumed.
"Oh honey, you're far more aesthetically pleasing than those Psychothrillers."
There was an abrupt crash as the airlock was breached, but there was no logical explosive decompression in its wake.
"Puny Earthlings!"
"Actually, I'm a Neonian."
"Neonian and puny Earthlings, then! I claim your planet for the Evil Corrugated Headed Commonwealth of Psychopocalypse and the Dread Nanunanu!"
"Hey, you're a black dude!"
"Pierce. He's a black guy from an interstellar empire whose ways are not our own. Anyway, he also attacked your old friend George Washington King. He's probably not into African-American Lives Matter, either." Captain Swift pointed out.
Bat Woman assumed her combat position: "Wait a minute. You're actually wearing crude blackface makeup."
Black Vulcan frowned: "That is seriously ofay. Wait a minute. I remember you from the seventies. You're either Ant Moroso, Donny Puko, Vincenzo Barbariano or Vincenzo Venom."
"Yes, puny Earth human superhero! I am Terd of Psychopocalypse and I am here to subdue your puny planet."
"Say what!" Black Vulcan said.
"Using puny so many times is seriously grammatically suspect." Bat Woman scolded.
"You puny humans! I am not subject to your puny laws of grammar, physics, coherent plot logic or scientific accuracy!"
Mermaid appeared in the teleporter and waddled out:
"Right, I've had this. You're a boring, seriously unhumorous character from a multiversally execrated awful skiffy movie who wants to pick a fight with us just to incongruously distance yourself from it. It ends here, buster!" With that, Mermaid used her aquatic powers to direct a large volume of seawater at the Psychopocalypse, who fell over, screaming:
"Ah! I'm melting! I'm melting! All of my beautiful wickedness! Noooo..." And with that, the attempted one-being invasion was over.
"What a sad and pathetic ending." Bat Woman concluded.
"What a sad and pathetic movie that was in the first place." Mr Might observed, as they cleared up the liquified remains of Terd. And so ended the first Psychopocalypse invasion of Earth. Actually, given the useful details gleaned, the same applied to the second, third and fourth through fifteenth attempts from Menomina Ptee Pteepi.
THE END
"
++
A DESERTED CLASSROOM:
James Bootycall High School in Blennerhassit, New York had long been closed due to city education cutbacks and had been vandalised, otherwise mutilated and burnt down repeated times since it had been the setting for a tiresome seventies series entitled Willing Blot, Krapper. The situation in question was a remedial class in which Gus Krapper, a sardonic former remedial student made good himself had become a teacher and imparted twee life experiences to his hapless students. Vincenzo El Barbariano was a himbo and transferred to a fifties theme greasy high school where he could wear black and a leather jacket and oily hair all the time and fall in love with an Australian exchange student. Arnold Hooshark was one of the three Jewish characters on the programme and turned out to be one of the unexpected standouts, leaving the Swotpigs for a higher educational stream, George Washington King was the sole African American character with prodigious basketball skills and an excellent voice, causing his departure for the entertainment industry after a successful period with the Brooklyn Globetrotters. Principal Woodenperson was the obligatory grouchy elderly headmaster of the institution. Juan Don Kravitz was a Puerto Rican Jewish guy who later embarked on an excellent comic career. Nobody asked why it was that Gus Krapper was teaching guys that were his own age and totally unconvincing as teenagers. Ultimately, something approximating reality caught up with all of them. The advanced relative age of the Swotpigs was revealed as a ruse by Principal Woodenperson to get his hands on money from the New York State Education Authority. Sacked from his position, Principal Woodenperson and Juan Kravitz engaged in a highly lucrative double act. As to why it had taken the NYEA four years to see through the obvious fraud, well, this was the seventies and everything was cheap and tacky them. Despite the name of the series, the scenario was contrived to have Gus Krapper out of the way for a while so no-one would notice the absence of an age gap. But all that was fifty years ago.
Three figures met in the derelict building- the aforementioned Gus Krapper, Vincenzo El Barbariano (now a Schemotologist) and George Washington King, now a multi-millionaire from his athletic and musical career:
"Mr Krap-Ear. How's Mrs Krap-Ear?"
"She's been dead for the last four years, George. I see the years have been extremely kind to you."
"Sorry to hear that, man. I suppose you two heard that Juan, Arnold and Principal Woodenperson are no longer with us either?"
"No. What happened?"
"After the school funding scandal, Juan and the Principal had a comedy duet in Vegas for years until they tragically slipped on poisoned banana peels. As for Arnold, it was even sadder. He became a failed supervillain called Entropy Man and was betrayed by Badman, the Darknight Deviant. He eked out a living as a bottomless male gogo dancer in New Jersey until it was overrun by zombies. Or were they vampires? Or the Mob? Damn it, I'm reverting to a himbo Italian stereotype."
"Wait a minute, Vincey. I thought so. You were actually Ant Moroso in Friday Night Freakout, then Donny Puko in Greece, until you reverted to your real name, Vincenzo Venom in Plop Fictions. Y-you killed Arnold, didn't you?"
"Well, yes. I admit it, puny irascible Earthling educator. I took over Vincy's body in the eighties while he was going through a bad patch. I am actually... Terd of Psychopocalypse, an advanced civilisation with corrugated foreheads that has subdued Earth in the distant thirty first century and feed the hapless survivors to our god Nanunanu!!!"
"Why does that sound like the plot for an extremely bad science fiction movie?"
"Silence, puny Earthling human creatures! I shall now destroy you en route for the equally puny Freedom Brigade's puny satellite and wreck our species history by taking over Earth a millennium in advance!" The alien invader drew out an equally hackneyed fifties style blasterkilldeath pistol and zapped his former teacher with it. In the ensuing expository dialogue, though, George had ran from the school at a rate of knots, found the only functioning AT&T phonebooth in Blennerhasset, and phoned up his old Brooklyn Globebusters team mate Pierce Jeffries, aka Black Vulcan, the electricity wielding sole black member of the Freedom Brigade...
FBUS SATELLITE:
"We're being invaded by an alien with a curiously corrugated forehead." Bat Woman observed.
"Is it a Clungoff?" Mighty Hermaphrodite asked.
"No, they signed a peace treaty with the United Galactic Confederation of Worlds when someone finally forced a corset around Captain Pork of the USS Unimpressed, otherwise his corpulence extended all the way into the Boomerang Neutrality Zone. So they're no longer a threat." Mr Might sagely added.
"Hmmm. I've encountered them on a couple of visits uptime. They're Psychopocalypses." Captain Swift replied.
"Hey, my former bro George Washington King, the famous hoop star, told me one of his old school buddies was actually one of those Psychowatchacallits and had just killed their ex-teacher, Gus Krapper."
Black Vulcan exclaimed.
"Hmm. So, Billy, what are these Psychotronicbenders like?"
"Well, we've established they've got a corrugated forehead thang going. They also have marmalade coloured eyes, skullcrests, dreadlocked hair, fanged teeth and a highly limited range of facial expressions and paws with six taloned fingers. And they wear gas masks all the time because they explode automatically on contact with dihydrogen oxide. They discovered Earth's existence through intercepting Voyager Three and then used their terrible flatulence to asphyxiate the Earth's population while mining for aluminium, which is a rare metal on their home world, Menomina Ptee Pteepi. The human resistance eventually succeeded in blowing up their hollowed out world through use of nuclear weapons. Okay, so it's bizarre that a mined out homeworld could still support life and that an interstellar capable civilisation still relied on nuclear energy, aircraft and worshipped a deity called Nanunanu who disposed of his alien enemies in volcanos fifty million years ago. However, aliens do have strange habits."
"Watch it, you." Mr Might fumed.
"Oh honey, you're far more aesthetically pleasing than those Psychothrillers."
There was an abrupt crash as the airlock was breached, but there was no logical explosive decompression in its wake.
"Puny Earthlings!"
"Actually, I'm a Neonian."
"Neonian and puny Earthlings, then! I claim your planet for the Evil Corrugated Headed Commonwealth of Psychopocalypse and the Dread Nanunanu!"
"Hey, you're a black dude!"
"Pierce. He's a black guy from an interstellar empire whose ways are not our own. Anyway, he also attacked your old friend George Washington King. He's probably not into African-American Lives Matter, either." Captain Swift pointed out.
Bat Woman assumed her combat position: "Wait a minute. You're actually wearing crude blackface makeup."
Black Vulcan frowned: "That is seriously ofay. Wait a minute. I remember you from the seventies. You're either Ant Moroso, Donny Puko, Vincenzo Barbariano or Vincenzo Venom."
"Yes, puny Earth human superhero! I am Terd of Psychopocalypse and I am here to subdue your puny planet."
"Say what!" Black Vulcan said.
"Using puny so many times is seriously grammatically suspect." Bat Woman scolded.
"You puny humans! I am not subject to your puny laws of grammar, physics, coherent plot logic or scientific accuracy!"
Mermaid appeared in the teleporter and waddled out:
"Right, I've had this. You're a boring, seriously unhumorous character from a multiversally execrated awful skiffy movie who wants to pick a fight with us just to incongruously distance yourself from it. It ends here, buster!" With that, Mermaid used her aquatic powers to direct a large volume of seawater at the Psychopocalypse, who fell over, screaming:
"Ah! I'm melting! I'm melting! All of my beautiful wickedness! Noooo..." And with that, the attempted one-being invasion was over.
"What a sad and pathetic ending." Bat Woman concluded.
"What a sad and pathetic movie that was in the first place." Mr Might observed, as they cleared up the liquified remains of Terd. And so ended the first Psychopocalypse invasion of Earth. Actually, given the useful details gleaned, the same applied to the second, third and fourth through fifteenth attempts from Menomina Ptee Pteepi.
THE END
"