Post by redsycorax on Jan 11, 2021 2:43:40 GMT
The Freedom Brigade requires some continuity, so come with us now back to 1966. Mr Might, the Man of Yesterday's Tomorrow, had just collided with one of his several "one weaknesses", tin. As he lay dazed on the sidewalk, up loomed a sinister vehicle- for yes, it was Slotham City's vilest, the Darknight Deviant Badman and his adolescent assistant, Robber The Boy Plunder. This was before the Funk Mullet characterisation interlude in which Badman became irate and susceptible to male menopausal moodswings.
"Holy Heroes, Badman! Look who's lying there on the sidewalk! Mr Might!"
"Robber, old chum, you've done it again! Forget the gold that the Green Cigarette buried near here! We'll capture Mr Might and turn him to a life of crime. Think what his abillities could mean to us."
"Holy Intelligence, Badman! You sure are smart!"
And so it was that several hours later, Mr Might awoke in that lair of larceny, the Badcave. He was all too aware that he would be tortured by the Duo of Darkness after they had kidnapped him:
"Want a sandwich, Mighty?"
"Noooo!!! Foccacia bread!!! My one weakness."
"Wait, Robber! You know foccacia bread is one of Mr Might's numerous one weaknesses! You might kill him."
"Holy Oversight, Badman! I completely forgot!"
"You fiendish villains! You've discovered my one weakness! You'll regret what you're doing...eventually...I hope..."
"Let him whine. I'll mix up a solution of Bad-Hypnosis Spray, laced with his one weakness, tin. Let's see...nitroglycerine... helium...excellent. Now all this mixture needs is some..."
BOOM!!!!
"Holy dynamite, Badman! What just happened?"
"I don't know, old chum. I must head up to the Bad-Library to study where I went wrong..."
And so, up in Payne Manor, the home of somewhat financially challenged former millionaire Brian (Badman) Payne...
"Ah. Here it is in Acme's Supervillain Accessories by Will. E. Coyote. A well stocked library is essential to planning crimes.:"
"Excuse me, sir," said Brian Payne's equally crooked butler Albumin Happenysworth, "it's the Badphone."
The Caped Criminal listened to the message as he began to smile wickedly. At length, he hung up and turned to his butler and accomplice:
"Holy Handheld, Badman! Who was that?"
"Hello? Yes? The Slotham City First Bank? Excellent! We'll be there. Well, that was Commissioner Liardon, our counterpart at city hall. There's a gold shipment heading off to Fort Knox this afternoon, which we can intercept."
"Holy penury, Badman! We can make another down payment on the mortgage on Stately Payne Manor."
"Pardon me, sir, but does this mean you can also make an installment on the five years back pay you owe me?"
"Indeed it does, Albumin, my faithful servant. With the inadvertant help of Mr Might, now I've worked out the hypnospray formula, we can pull off the biggest heist of all time!"
"Very good, sir."
"Golly, Badman!"
"And now, Robber, to the Badcave!" Badman prepared to slide down one of the two Badpoles to their subterranean headquarters, but unceremoniously tripped over his cape and fell headlong down the shaft as Robber took the easy way down: "With all that loot, we're going to... Holy Prestidigitation, Badman! Must you do everything the hard way? Are you okay?"
Fortunately, he was, but then, as they approached Mr Might, he let out a shrill ultrasonic whistle that only his Freedom Brigade comrades could hear. All right, yes, Badman should have known that from his days as Capeman, the former superhero he had been before his bankruptcy and corruption, but due to concussion from his fall into the Badcave, it didn't occur to him. He brought the noxious mixture closer and closer to Mr Might: "Now, Clint old chum, just inhale and you'll find this whole affair a real gas. Heh heh heh!"
"Holy conceit...er, I mean, Holy Genius, Badman."
"Yes, Robber, while under the influence of my Bad-Hypno Spray, Mr Might will be several times as efficient as before. Well, we're on our way to..."
WALLOP!
"Oooh, my head. What was..."
"Holy mortal enemies, Badman! It's the Freedom Brigade!"
"Never fear, Robber. With Mr Might under our control, we can easily subdue them. At 'em, Clint!"
However, and conveniently, Mr Might was still woozy from dealing with the tin and focaccia bread interludes above, and so, the Duo of Darkness were encircled by the contemporary roster of the Freedom Brigade- The Patriot, Princess Power, Lady Liberty, Bowman, Captain Swift and Mermaid. In a trice, the villains were tied up and Mr Might was medevacced to the FBUS mountain headquarters, where he fell madly in love with Lauren Lemarina, aka Mermaid, and ditched his eternally quarrelling rival girlfriends, Lola Lake and Louisa Louche . But that's another story...
THE END
"Holy Heroes, Badman! Look who's lying there on the sidewalk! Mr Might!"
"Robber, old chum, you've done it again! Forget the gold that the Green Cigarette buried near here! We'll capture Mr Might and turn him to a life of crime. Think what his abillities could mean to us."
"Holy Intelligence, Badman! You sure are smart!"
And so it was that several hours later, Mr Might awoke in that lair of larceny, the Badcave. He was all too aware that he would be tortured by the Duo of Darkness after they had kidnapped him:
"Want a sandwich, Mighty?"
"Noooo!!! Foccacia bread!!! My one weakness."
"Wait, Robber! You know foccacia bread is one of Mr Might's numerous one weaknesses! You might kill him."
"Holy Oversight, Badman! I completely forgot!"
"You fiendish villains! You've discovered my one weakness! You'll regret what you're doing...eventually...I hope..."
"Let him whine. I'll mix up a solution of Bad-Hypnosis Spray, laced with his one weakness, tin. Let's see...nitroglycerine... helium...excellent. Now all this mixture needs is some..."
BOOM!!!!
"Holy dynamite, Badman! What just happened?"
"I don't know, old chum. I must head up to the Bad-Library to study where I went wrong..."
And so, up in Payne Manor, the home of somewhat financially challenged former millionaire Brian (Badman) Payne...
"Ah. Here it is in Acme's Supervillain Accessories by Will. E. Coyote. A well stocked library is essential to planning crimes.:"
"Excuse me, sir," said Brian Payne's equally crooked butler Albumin Happenysworth, "it's the Badphone."
The Caped Criminal listened to the message as he began to smile wickedly. At length, he hung up and turned to his butler and accomplice:
"Holy Handheld, Badman! Who was that?"
"Hello? Yes? The Slotham City First Bank? Excellent! We'll be there. Well, that was Commissioner Liardon, our counterpart at city hall. There's a gold shipment heading off to Fort Knox this afternoon, which we can intercept."
"Holy penury, Badman! We can make another down payment on the mortgage on Stately Payne Manor."
"Pardon me, sir, but does this mean you can also make an installment on the five years back pay you owe me?"
"Indeed it does, Albumin, my faithful servant. With the inadvertant help of Mr Might, now I've worked out the hypnospray formula, we can pull off the biggest heist of all time!"
"Very good, sir."
"Golly, Badman!"
"And now, Robber, to the Badcave!" Badman prepared to slide down one of the two Badpoles to their subterranean headquarters, but unceremoniously tripped over his cape and fell headlong down the shaft as Robber took the easy way down: "With all that loot, we're going to... Holy Prestidigitation, Badman! Must you do everything the hard way? Are you okay?"
Fortunately, he was, but then, as they approached Mr Might, he let out a shrill ultrasonic whistle that only his Freedom Brigade comrades could hear. All right, yes, Badman should have known that from his days as Capeman, the former superhero he had been before his bankruptcy and corruption, but due to concussion from his fall into the Badcave, it didn't occur to him. He brought the noxious mixture closer and closer to Mr Might: "Now, Clint old chum, just inhale and you'll find this whole affair a real gas. Heh heh heh!"
"Holy conceit...er, I mean, Holy Genius, Badman."
"Yes, Robber, while under the influence of my Bad-Hypno Spray, Mr Might will be several times as efficient as before. Well, we're on our way to..."
WALLOP!
"Oooh, my head. What was..."
"Holy mortal enemies, Badman! It's the Freedom Brigade!"
"Never fear, Robber. With Mr Might under our control, we can easily subdue them. At 'em, Clint!"
However, and conveniently, Mr Might was still woozy from dealing with the tin and focaccia bread interludes above, and so, the Duo of Darkness were encircled by the contemporary roster of the Freedom Brigade- The Patriot, Princess Power, Lady Liberty, Bowman, Captain Swift and Mermaid. In a trice, the villains were tied up and Mr Might was medevacced to the FBUS mountain headquarters, where he fell madly in love with Lauren Lemarina, aka Mermaid, and ditched his eternally quarrelling rival girlfriends, Lola Lake and Louisa Louche . But that's another story...
THE END