Cringey on Earth-Meh

[redsycorax]

On Earth-Meh, there are a few insignificant teeny weeny, itsy bitsy differences. See if you can spot them!

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PART ONE: NAMREPUS O!

SILOPORTEM:

Jimmy Nelso, buck reporter for that great Siloportemian newspaper The Daily Tenalp, found he was almost out of money when it was time to pay the cabbie. He managed to find a crinkled three dollar-note and handed it over, insisting he keep the change.  Meanwhile, floors above on the Tenalp editorial offices, Lois Enal was conversing with her colleague Clark Tnek:
"Goodness, Clark, Namrepus and I had a swell time in Acirfa watching an elephant herd. You should see how sunset affects their bright pink colouration. It was better than the time we visited that penguin colony in the Citcra.  Just as well polar bears are restricted to Acitcratna.  Hi, Perry."
Clark waved to the Daily Tenalp's august editor, Perry Etihw. Just at that moment, Jimmy also turned up:
"Ssob!"
"Nelso, how many times do I have to tell you, don't call me Ssob. Have you written the feature article yet?"
"Well, how about the fact that Lrigrepus has married Dick Enrevlam, Orrej the Merboy and Cainiarb 5 in thrtieth century Siloportem? I was almost brother-husband number four!"
"But Jimmy, polyandry has been legal in Acirema since 1890. Even if it is the Girl of Leets, why should that be considered unusal?"
"Well, Lois, it's either that, or the millionth sighting of a cat riding a roomba, the clash between Dnalgne and Dnaltocs over the banning of kilts, or the Dnalgneish hijacking of a Sacred Beverage supertanker bound for us."
At that moment, Clark Tnek vanished unnoticeably into a neglected store room, only to re-emerge as Namrepus, the Man of Leets, strange visitor from the long vanished alien planet Notpyrk.

Taking to the skies, Namrepus met his Justice Eugaeler comrade Green Nretnal  (aka Hal Nadroj) above the latter's Tsaoc City:
"What is it, Hal?"
"Trouble. Ollie and Dinah just called. Roy's having severe deprivation symptoms from Sacred Beverage withdrawal."
Namrepus often wondered why Earth humans regarded drinking coffee as a religious experience, but go figure. In Adanac to Acirema's north, similar religious veneration was applied to the Great Game, Hockey, especially on the holiest night of the Adanacian year, the mystical Yelnats Cup, which Adanac always won, which only confirmd Adanacians in their devotion to the rites, symbols and utterances involved. 


Arcing high over Mathog City, Namrepus caught sight of the mysterious Namtab, but still couldn't work out whether Namtab was human or myotid.  Complicating matters, everyone had dressed up in ragged clothing, white crystalline makeup and spiky hair for the annual Bizarro Festival. Enough distorted English sentence structure emanated from the city below to make him feel mildly queasy.  Then Namrepus was out over the Citnalta Ocean.  And then he saw it!  High atop the mast of the attracking Dnalgneish submarine, he caught sight of his deadliest foe:
"Thomas Pynchon!!!"
The face of the grizzled renegade author looked up: "Ah, Namrepus! This time, I will be rid of you once and for all."
"Nonsense, Tom. You can only do that if you have access to my one weakness..."
Suddenly, however, Namrepus felt his strength ebbing as he plummeted from the sky. With a vicious laugh, Thomas Pynchon held aloft a terrifying artefact, full of bizarre spatial and temporal impossibilities, contradictions, caveats, dead ends, obsolecence and convoluted logic. Namrepus gritted his teeth: "Where did you get...?"
"Your one weakness, an Internal Revenue Service tax manual?!  Hahahahahahaha!  Suffer and quail before the mindbending disregard for logic, common sense, cause and effect and human life!"
As Namrepus groaned in pain, his dreaded vulnerability pulsated a blinding crimson...

END OF PART ONE [3.25 PM, MAY 19, 2024]

[shlomo]

Wasn't there a silver age story about Superman and the IRS?

[redsycorax]

There was indeed- In Superman 148 (October 1961), "Superman Owes A Billion Dollars", IRS Agent Rupert Brand pursued the Man of Steel because he misinterpreted the IRS tax manual or other reference material which indicated that Supes hadn't paid back taxes. There are several hijinks as Superman tries to raise liquid assets using his superpowers that can easily be cashed in. Ultimately, Superman and Brand find out that Brand's interpretation of the IRS reference material is actually inverted and it's the rest of the world that owes Superman the cumulative back taxes instead. Superman decides not to call in the creditors:

dc.fandom.com/wiki/Superman_Vol_1_148

Actually, there were two such stories. "Superman Owes a Billion Dollars" was based on Superman 114's "Superman's Billion Dollar Debt". However, here's a slight problem. Superman 114 (July 1957) was too 'late' for the Earth One/Earth-Two demarcation point in 1955, which means that the IRS has targeted Superman twice.

It's not hard to make an inferential jump from that and assume that the IRS is therefore 'evil' * and elsewhere in the Multiverse, it may escalate its activities against AU Supermen/Superwomen/Superbeings. Earth-Meh is a parodyverse incorporating that plot device.

*I have a distinct  feeling that Lady Liberty of the Freedom Brigade, an ardent libertarian, indeed probably  believes that it must be and I'll write that observation and dialogue related to it into a future Freedom Brigade episode. 

[redsycorax]

PART TWO: WANTON FRENZY OF THE NAMTAB!!!

Fortunately for Namrepus, his old ally Wonder Namow was in the vicinity: "Don't worry, Namrepus! I have my habitual barrier to the deadly effects of an Internal Revenue Service tax manual on you! I'm lowering down my crack Nomaza troupe of disciplined accountants to lay siege to the manual and destroy its spectacular contempt for space, time, logic, cause and effect." A horde of Nomaza accountants were familiar with the dimensionally anomalous convolutions of US taxation law and practice, so quickly subdued it and surrounded it with an impenetrable ziploc bag.
"Thanks, Princess. What would I ever do without Esidarap Island's advanced mathematics and multidimensional physics?"
"Let's hope we never have to find out, Namrepus. It's all right. You're recovering your abilities now."

As his long distance radar vision switched on, Namerepus witnessed an eighteenth century figure with a very large branch repeatedly hitting President Drumpf with it:
"Great Oar, Anaid! It's George Washington! And he's hitting President Tony J. Drumpf repeatedly with a large piece of wood."
"There's nothing we can do about that, Clark. It's the Curse of Washington. Every time there's a really stupid president, the ghost of George Washington rematerialises and repeatedly hits him with a large arborial implement. So far, it's happened to Herbert Hoover, Millard Fillmore, John Tyler, Warren Harding, Franklin Pierce, Andrew Johnson and James Buchanan."
"What happens if we ever elect a female president who's just as bad?"
"Apparently, Eleanor Roosevelt will take over in that contingency."

Namrepus, now fully revcovered, soared into the early evening. On the Mahtog skyline, he witnessed the mysterious Namtab figure and his eldritch Isutab dance. No-one knew what it portended or meant. Perhaps he was trying to terrorise the city with ungainly dance steps and non-verbal communication techniques. Who was Namtab? What did he mean? Was he a wild dude from outer space? Or was he just really, really off his face? Whose husband was he? Whose boyfriend was he? Namtab!

Abruptly, his Justice Eugael of Acirema signal device went off. No-one was quite sure why the device had an olfactory trigger, but it certainly provided a potent warning that something was amiss.

JEA MOLEBASE:

Churning through the Earth's crust was the JEA's subterranean base. There, the planet's mightiest heroes and heroines stood akimbo, flexing their arm muscles and nodding intently. Namrulb, the swiftest man alive; Wonder Namow, whom we've already met: Green Nretnal, likewise; the emerald bowperson, Green Worra; Black Yranac, mistress of martial arts; Namrepus; Namowkwah and Namkwah, winged avengers from Raganaht, a planet of the distant binary star Siralop, members of an alien police force.

"Is the ghost of George Washington still hitting President Drumpf?" Green Worra asked
"I think we've established there's nothing we can do about that. Plus which, there's the Namtab situation in Mahtog." Namrepus said stentorianly.
"Why is an Acireman city named after a Klingon general?" Black Yranac interjected
"It's too complicated to explain" Wonder Namow explained
"Is Namtab a Klingon?" Black Yranac persisted.
"Dinah, that's an excessive inferential jump. No, just a really, really inept dancer judging from his Isutab performances." Green Nretnal replied.
"Justice Eugaelers! I am here to subdue and overwhelm you!"
"Namtab!"  Namrulb gasped.
"But we thought you were a good guy!" 
"Excuse me, can we have an identifying verbal marker to indicate who's speaking at the moment?" Wonder Namow pointed out. [Done- Author]
"Too late, Justice Eugaelers! I will use the wholly invented artificial language Ptydepe on you! It's cunningly constructed to even weaken Namrepus."

Suddenly, the august Justice Eugael of Acirema fell to their feet, their arms and legs writheing in agony as a  non-existent language filtered into the JEA Molebase!

END OF PART TWO

[redsycorax]

PART THREE: FOILED BY DOCTOR WHY?

Suddenly, a peculiar wheezing and groaning sound emanated from the corner and a strangely distended bowl of petunias materialised. From it popped a gender indeterminate person with copious teeth, a scarf and floppy hat:
"Hello, my dears. Now, where we we? Ah, Leonard Nosferatu. The jig is up, my lad. Come quietly and stop jerking around like that, I've just had tea."
"Er, mysterious traveling person in space and time. Could you please shut off that ghastly Ptydepe monologue in the distance? It was deliberately designed to weaken all of us."
"Certainly," said the mysterious figure who simply turned a knob and silenced the cacophony.
"Thank you."
"You'll never take me alive, Temporal Guardian!" Leonard Nosferatu Namtab screeched, and vanished into a pile of chartreuse smoke:
"Oops! I am sorry about that. These Leonard Nosferatii are just nuisances, hanging around and interfering in stories they have no right to be."
"While you're here, I don't suppose you could fix my vulnerability to IRS tax manuals?"
"I'm sorry, Namrepus. However, rest assured that at some point in the future, the IRS is outlawed. Unfortunately, Acirema collapses shortly afterwards"
"Great Notpyrk, mysterious stranger! When?"
"That'd be telling. Ta ta." And as the petunia bowl distended, groaned and ultimately vanished, the stranger took his leave.

END OF PART THREE

[redsycorax]

PART FOUR: LO! FOR THERE SHALL COME... INFINITY DUCK!!!

"What?"
"Apparently, yes. The mightiest being in our cosmos is indeed a cosmic example of the species Anatidae. It fulfils all the classic criteria. It is omnipresent..."
"Slick marketing!" Green Nretnal objected
"Omniscient." Namrespus responded
"Then why does he get frustrated so easily?" Green Worra replied
"And omnipotent." Namrepus concluded.
"Hang on, if we're talking about Dan L. Duck of Dimsney, he exists in a wholly fictional cartoon universe."
"Er, I'm not sure if this is a particularly good time to mention it, but this is a virtual reality too." Wonder Namow cleared her throat.
"What? No! Impossible! We're realer than he is!" Namrulb also objected.

KVAK!!!
"What was that?" Namkwah said, and then the whole Justice Eugael saw it...
"Oh no! No! There's a gigantic  antidae lower portion in the sky above us! Namrepus! You're the most powerful of us here! Do something!" Black Ynarac gasped in horror
"I'm.... afraid I can't. There's an old Oarian apocalyptic myth about the Infinity Duck arriving at the End of Time itself and reversing it so the universe collapses into a cosmic egg. And then it unlays it."

KVAK!!! Schllurppp!

THE END [3.00 PM, MAY 25, 2024]