Post by redsycorax on Oct 19, 2020 4:45:09 GMT
A lot of monkeying around goes on in the Dork Multiverse, that realm of worlds that really, really shouldn't exist but are profoundly embarrassing if they do. Take a certain Amazon Princess on Earth-170, for instance.
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In a secluded corner of Paradise Island, Wonder Woman prepared to go jump in Lake Sapphonica, because she thought it looked like a perfect area for a swim. Abruptly, a flying saucer descended from the skies and landed, out of which came a horde of simian astronauts:
"Oh, this is ridiculous. Goriilas from outer space?"
"Speciesist. What's wrong with the idea of super-advanced simians, anyway? Look, we're from a highly advanced civilisation. Marry me! And my subordinates will seek wives amongst your Amazons!"
"Why is it that every male who invades Paradise Island has this weird matrimonial fetish?" The gorillas wheeled out a hideously complicated ray cannon, and aimed it at her:
"To avoid certain untoward aspersions, we'll transform you into one of us...!"
"That's the trouble with you men, even men of other species! Aggression! You can't solve things with loving kindness!" So saying, Wonder Woman rammed the alien gorillas and began to beat the living daylights out of them.
"Watch while I pull a cheap circus stunt despite being an alien creature capable of interstellar flight!!!" Heedless of the implicit affront to his dignity, the Gorilla King began juggling a sphere on his back, with his feet. And shortly afterward, Wonder Woman realised that her magic lasso was also powerless against the spacefaring simian!
"Great Hera! Great Hima!" Wonder Woman gasped as she was bathed in unearthly light while the evolvotronic radiation from the alien weapon swiftly and inexorably made her go ape!!!
"Hah! You have no recourse against our gorilla warfare!"
But suddenly, the Gorilla King realised:
"Oops. By transforming you into one of us, we removed your inherent majesty and beauty. I think I'll change you back into a human."
The other alien gorillas looked askance at him:
"Say what?!"
"Yeah, exactly. Xenophiliac kinkiness is bad enough, but you've gone too far this time. Consider yourself deposed!"
"Wait! What if I turn myself into a human, like so..." At which point Wonder Woman lassoed him and forced him to submit:
"Now bugger off. Human and quasihuman suitors are bad enough, without you lot monkeying around!" As the vehicle lifted off, Wonder Woman realised she'd forgotten to get turned back into a human again. But that was okay, because the Flash introduced her to his friend Solovar of Gorilla City, the hidden hyper-evolved anthropoid settlement in Africa. The two of them fell madly in love and got married. Sieve Tripod internally combusted on receipt of the news, which served him right for being such a shrewish man-nag. Several years later, the Flash, Superman, Aquaman, Green Lantern and the Martian Manhunter all went ape too, which was fortunate, given Wonder Woman had been there before them.
Several years later, a female invasion force of alien gorillas abducted presidential candidate Donnell Drumpf and saved Earth-170 from massive devastation and carnage, but that's another story altogether and this one's reserved for DC characters and invited friends, so...
THE END
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In a secluded corner of Paradise Island, Wonder Woman prepared to go jump in Lake Sapphonica, because she thought it looked like a perfect area for a swim. Abruptly, a flying saucer descended from the skies and landed, out of which came a horde of simian astronauts:
"Oh, this is ridiculous. Goriilas from outer space?"
"Speciesist. What's wrong with the idea of super-advanced simians, anyway? Look, we're from a highly advanced civilisation. Marry me! And my subordinates will seek wives amongst your Amazons!"
"Why is it that every male who invades Paradise Island has this weird matrimonial fetish?" The gorillas wheeled out a hideously complicated ray cannon, and aimed it at her:
"To avoid certain untoward aspersions, we'll transform you into one of us...!"
"That's the trouble with you men, even men of other species! Aggression! You can't solve things with loving kindness!" So saying, Wonder Woman rammed the alien gorillas and began to beat the living daylights out of them.
"Watch while I pull a cheap circus stunt despite being an alien creature capable of interstellar flight!!!" Heedless of the implicit affront to his dignity, the Gorilla King began juggling a sphere on his back, with his feet. And shortly afterward, Wonder Woman realised that her magic lasso was also powerless against the spacefaring simian!
"Great Hera! Great Hima!" Wonder Woman gasped as she was bathed in unearthly light while the evolvotronic radiation from the alien weapon swiftly and inexorably made her go ape!!!
"Hah! You have no recourse against our gorilla warfare!"
But suddenly, the Gorilla King realised:
"Oops. By transforming you into one of us, we removed your inherent majesty and beauty. I think I'll change you back into a human."
The other alien gorillas looked askance at him:
"Say what?!"
"Yeah, exactly. Xenophiliac kinkiness is bad enough, but you've gone too far this time. Consider yourself deposed!"
"Wait! What if I turn myself into a human, like so..." At which point Wonder Woman lassoed him and forced him to submit:
"Now bugger off. Human and quasihuman suitors are bad enough, without you lot monkeying around!" As the vehicle lifted off, Wonder Woman realised she'd forgotten to get turned back into a human again. But that was okay, because the Flash introduced her to his friend Solovar of Gorilla City, the hidden hyper-evolved anthropoid settlement in Africa. The two of them fell madly in love and got married. Sieve Tripod internally combusted on receipt of the news, which served him right for being such a shrewish man-nag. Several years later, the Flash, Superman, Aquaman, Green Lantern and the Martian Manhunter all went ape too, which was fortunate, given Wonder Woman had been there before them.
Several years later, a female invasion force of alien gorillas abducted presidential candidate Donnell Drumpf and saved Earth-170 from massive devastation and carnage, but that's another story altogether and this one's reserved for DC characters and invited friends, so...
THE END