tough story to write

[dans]

I am revisiting a story I wrote years ago, wonder if you guys have any thoughts...

Ted Knight retired from being Starman because Doris strongly requested that he do so; she got a message from Doris in the future of an alternate timeline that he was going to be killed by a Dr. Doog at some indeterminate date. He was also having issues that made him susceptible to mental control, and an alien entity was able to take control of him at night. Under this control, he built a suit of superpowered combat aromr and began a short heroic career as Vic Valor. And eventually Dr. Doog killed Vic Valor, in a scene that was virtually identical to the death of Starman in the alternate future that Doris had witnessed. But the armor saved Ted's life, and broke the alien entity's mental control.

So Doris saw Vic Valor die (on TV). And she had been suspicious all along that Valor was really Ted. So, she is probably frantic after watching Valor die in a scene that was identical to the scene of Starman's death that she had also witnessed.

So she grabs her Gravity Rod and races to the scene. Ted is in the Valor armor, confused as heck, as he has no memories of his time as Valor. Doris is frantic because she thought Ted might be dead,  and now she finds him alive, and she is furious because he broke his promise.

How do I write this scene? How does Ted convince Doris that he is not Valor and he has not broken his promise - but if he's not, what's he doing in the Valor armor? What can Ted possibly do to show that it wasn't him? The alien is gone, seemingly forever...

Thanks for any ideas or suggestions you might send my way.

[dans]

So here's the start, what do you think?

The side of the Knight mansion exploded outward as a glowing gold missile blasts out and zooms through the air toward the riverfront. Inside is Doris, dressed in lounging clothes, carrying her Gravity Rod. She is furiously angry and almost frantic with fear for her husband Ted's life. She had been watching TV; the programming was interrupted to show the flying form of Vic Valor, who was suddenly stabbed by what appeared to be a searchlight. And then Valor had begun trying to get out of the beam, and it appeared that the glowing cylinder of light had some kind of unbreakable skin, and then the hero had turned and rocketed skyward and by then Doris had thrown open the secret panel in the bedroom wall and grabbed her Cosmic Rod.

She didn't KNOW for sure that Valor was her husband Ted Knight in disguise, but she'd definitely wondered over the past few days. But the last time she'd seen this scene, an alternate universe version of Ted, in his Starman identity, had been killed by that beam of light. She was going to prevent that murder tonight! And if she found out that Valor really was Ted Knight, why, later she'd murder him herself for breaking his promise to retire.

[johnreiter902]

Personally, I like the story the way it is written right now. I agree that it is hard to imagine how Ted could convince Doris he was not Vic Valor, which is why I think it was a good idea in the old story to have that part happen off-panel and summarize it.

[dans]

Thanks, John, I am coming to the same conclusion.